The Struggles of World Domination
by NyanWolf
Summary: What do villains like Goblin and Doc Doom do in their spare time? When they aren't getting beat up by Spiderman and aren't committing crimes? Who knows! Maybe you and Doc Ock share a favorite hobby! Read to find out... Chapter 34: Villain Pageant!
1. Doctor Doom Defeated

**Something tells me I'm going to enjoy writing these.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any marvel characters, only my Ocs**

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**Chapter 1: Those Father Daughter Moments**

"Daddy! Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy!" A little girl with long strawberry-blond pigtails came running through the stone corridors. She had bright blue eyes and dimples. Her outfit consisted of a white tank top under a magenta jacket. She had a sparkly, scarlet skirt over light pink tights and a sparkly, hot pink headband.

"what is it darling?" Doctor Doom asked in concern, getting up from his desk where he was working on his latest project.

"I want a puppy! I want a puppy now!" She screeched.

"How many times has daddy told you Missy? A puppy would just make messes and-"

"I want a puppy NOW!" Somewhere, Doctor Doom swore he heard glass shattering.

"How about I make you a cake, or some ice cream or play dollies or-"

"You don't love me!"

"Yes daddy does. Now just let me finish my project and-"

"I'll scream," She threatened.

"No no, don't scream," He held up his armored hands.

"Aaaahhhhh!" More glass could be heard breaking, "ahhh- ooh shiny!" Missy abruptly stopped screaming. She was looking at a large red button on her daddy's desk.

"No no no no! How about I get you a puppy! You still want that puppy don't you?" Doctor Doom tried lifting her but she grabbed his desk and didn't let go until he released her.

"What does it do?" She demanded.

"Well I can't really tell you, but if you press it daddy will be very upset at you and-" He cut off as she jabbed her finger onto the button.

"Oops!" She giggled. A flat screen lowered down from a wall and showed outer space. It zoomed in on Pluto, which seemed to be glowing. In seconds, it blew into smithereens. Doctor Doom was staring at the screen speechlessly and a recording of his voice rang out.

"You will fear the mighty Doom!" Missy giggled and skipped out of the room. And so the almighty Doom did the only thing one can do in this situation. He face-palmed.

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** Aww! Doesn't Missy sound like a perfect little angel...yeah I didn't think so either. Anyway, review what villain you want me to do next and maybe you could come up with your own scene idea for me to write. Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	2. Group Tensions

**Hey guys, people seem to review on this story faster than my other stories, so I'll keep it up!**

**Reviewers-**

**Queen Sissy: Thanks for the suggestion! I will totally use your idea in the next chapter!**

**Kindness to Everyone and Thing: I have a feeling you'll like this chapter, as it has a certain Asgardian villain!  
**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own marvel characters or the game mentioned below.**

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**Chapter 2: Idiotic Mortals**

**Nobody's pov**

In a storage warehouse resting on the docks, slightly muffled voices could be heard by the passerby. Inside, four of the most notorious villains: Green Goblin, Dock Ock, Electro, and Loki, were huddled over a table. They were, simply put, playing a game. But it was a game that required intense focus, extreme patience, and high strategic skill.

"Do you want to buy a property Norman?" Loki asked.

"Hmm, in order for my industry to profit reasonably from your plastic pawns, I need to know the population and rate of consumerism, and the probability of your cars landing on the green square..." Goblin rubbed his chin.

"Please Norman, you need to consider the amount of sewer systems and young test subjects," Doc Ock scoffed.

"Profit!" Norman stood up.

"Science!" Doc Ock used his tentacles to rise up higher.

"It is just a game! Now buy the property or don't! Honestly! Children play this game all the time without any issues, Monopoly!" Loki yelled. Norman and Ock sat back down, glaring at each other.

"I don't want it," Norman muttered.

"My turn," Electro grabbed the dice, rolled a two, and landed on a chance space. "Ooh! Looks like my luck is changing boys!" He said. Then, he picked up a card and read aloud.

"Pay two dollars to see the firework display... are you kidding me? I don't want to see a firework display! I am a firework display!" He burnt the chance card to a crisp. The others laughed at him, then realized he was serious. He completely refused to pay. They all began arguing again. Finally Loki huffed:

"Why do I bother playing with you idiotic mortals!" This set off even harsher arguing. While they were screaming at each other, as monopoly pieces, money, and cards flew all over, five very amused teens were watching through a crack in the door.

"See, I told you. Every other Wednesday!" Spiderman told his team.

"Sweet Christmas!" Powerman shook his head grinning.

"Didn't Fury say to apprehend them if we find them?" White Tiger asked, hands on her hips.

"They're not hurting anyone," Iron Fist shrugged.

"Except their dignity! This is so going on YouTube!" Nova pulled out his phone. They saw Loki turn Goblin turn into a green duck. Doc Ock was electrocuted by Electro.

"That's gonna leave a mark," Spiderman started. A ripped off metal tentacle flew through the window, "Or two." The team cringed. Nova summed it up in one word.

"Awesome!"


	3. Goblins and Science Projects Don't Mix

**This chapter actually has two endings, which won't usually happen, but I felt I had to for this.**

**DISCLAIMER****: I don't own U.S.M nor this story idea except the ending. The main story idea with goblin was by Queen Sissy. Harry's project was mine.**

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**Chapter 3: Caution Fragile!**

Norman-now the Green Goblin-watched his son Harry through a telescope in an abandoned apartment building. Sometimes he missed him. He watched Harry struggle with a chemistry project. Goblin was getting annoyed at how _wrong_ the process was. Maybe it wouldn't hurt if he just nudged him in the right direction.

That night, Goblin snuck into the Oscorp building and into the laboratory, where Harry's project lay, unfinished.

"Alright now if I just combine this chemical with-" Goblin winced as the small vial slipped from his clumsy, thick fingers. Nothing stirred.

"Ok, well I could just substitute that with-" He went to pick up another bottle and it shattered in his hand. The thick chemical splashed into his eyes.

"Grr!" Goblin suppressed a scream. He bumped into a table and sent its contents breaking and spilling on the floor. Finally he grabbed a towel and rubbed his eyes. He took a deep breath and stared at the project, clenching and unclenching his fingers and narrowing his eyes.

"Right, it's just you and me, you and me..." He began slowly walking towards it. He kept repeating himself in that kind of voice that people use when they are going insane due to-for example- a rubix cube or a science project. Goblin grabbed some powder and gently tried to rip the bag open and it ripped into halves, the powder piling onto the floor. Next he tried using a pipette to squeeze exactly _one _drop of water into another beaker and squeezed all of the water out. The water fell into the hot acid-like chemical creating thick smoky fog.

"Oh for crying out loud!" He raged, and broke several more beakers in his attempt to wave the fog away from him.

"Never mind!" He roared and went to fetch a mop and broom, both of which were made of flimsy wood and broke immediately. Goblin threw the broken cleaning supplies down and walked back to the door. On his way, he slipped on some glass and was propelled, face-first, into the metal Oscorp door. He tore the door off its hinges and continued to limp through the building (stopping by the medical ward to grab a Band-Aid, which happened to have a smiling kitten printed on it) and made his exit with as much dignity as he could muster. Unfortunately, while he forgot about his own security cameras the press didn't. And for the next week, J. Jonah. Jameson had something other than Spiderman to report-and laugh-about.

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**Nicer ending-**

He made his exit with as much dignity as he could muster. In the morning, while the police investigated the wreckage and debris, Harry walked down to get his project. He saw that it looked worse than it had the previous night. He smiled, thinking of all the times that his dad had tried to fix-up (completely alter) his school projects when he was younger. He felt his spirits lift, and as he sat in his limo, staring at the mangled project he was going to get an F on, he whispered.

"Thanks dad."

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**There you go, sorry I took forever to update and thanks again to Queen Sissy. Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	4. Taskmaster's Phase

**This is my favorite chapter so far so I hope you guys like it! I'm not sure what Tasky's real name is, so I made one up. None of this is canon, unless I had some lucky guesses.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own U.S.M or the song**

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**Chapter 4: Nigie-Wigie**

Danny was in the park one day, meditating with his head phones. Suddenly, his keen ears heard something from a nearby building. It sounded like grunting and yelps of pain and frustration. He ran over to another building, ducked into an alley and changed into his Iron Fist costume. He went back to the building from which the noises were coming and heard energetic pop music. Iron Fist started laughing when he recognized the song.

"Nuh nuh nuh nuh-uh! You don't know your beautiful! Uh-huh! That's what makes you beautiful! Nuh nuh nuh!" Inside, someone was singing along and humming the parts she didn't know. The room had blue-painted walls, and indigo mats were lying on the floor and there was a TV in front of them. Inside, Taskmaster was standing on one mat. He was wearing baby blue legwarmers over his armor. He appeared to be copying yoga poses from the TV. Next to him, an elderly lady was doing the same.

"And one and two and three and four! And one and two and three and four!" She went through the motions expertly. Taskmaster sighed more than once and reluctantly followed the TV instructions, occasionally grunting at painful positions.

"I should be planning the destruction of S.H.E.I.L.D!" He snapped. The lady waved a hand.

"You're lucky I let you wear that stupid armor in public Nigel. Not to mention, you spend all your time locked up in your lab, doing who-knows-what! Maybe one day you'll grow out of this phase of yours!" She huffed.

"It's not a phase Mother," He mumbled.

"What did you call me!" She asked sternly.

"Nothing," He looked down, she stared at him from her pretzel position, waiting.

"Nothing...mommy..." He tried again. She nodded.

"Good! Now lift those legs Nigie-Wigie! Lift!" She exclaimed happily. And he did as he was told. Outside Danny was choking from trying not to laugh. He used the camera app on his communicator to record "Nigie-Wigie." Danny wasn't normally one to resort to electronics to amuse himself, but this, was an obvious exception.

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**I only used the song for comical purposes, I don't personally like the song very much. But to each his/her own. Also, thanks to IronFistRocks for the suggestion, I'll totally use it for the next chap. Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	5. Ock's Prank

**Don't you love those moments when you realize your wool sweater has been made wrong?**

**DISCALIMER: I still own nothing...yay...**

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**Chapter 5: Cat Fishing **

"Otto? What are you doing?" Norman walked into Doc Ock's lab. He was currently using his tentacles to knit a sweater. It was pink and small and seemed to have three sleeves. He looked up and abruptly rose up, trying to hide the "sweater," Behind his back.

"Just a new hobby I'm trying Norman," He chuckled nervously. Norman looked at him, and shook his head.

"I wonder about you sometimes Otto," He sighed. Doc Ock lowered his head.

"Yes well, I don't need to explain myself to you. Now tell me what your newest plan is," Dock Ock mumbled.

"Just build this," Norman shoved some blueprints into Ock's tentacles. He walked back out of the large room and Doc Ock got to work. It was a simple machine. It was basically an add-on to the main computer that would allow it to process more complex commands and formulas. He finished and took out some newspaper clippings. One recent one read:

**Cat shelter going out of business! All cats under $1.00!**

Doc Ock saw the number for the shelter. He typed it into the computer and called.

"Hello?" a woman's voice answered.

"Yes, hello. I was calling about your shelter, I want to purchase a few cats."

"Really!" The woman sounded delighted, "Well you can call me Debbie. We have all kinds of cats: Siamese, shorthair, Persian...how many did you say you wanted?"

"I'll take...all of them," He smiled as Debbie put him on hold to tell her husband, Tom, the news. He heard her squealing and shouting. Ock grinned wider when he thought of his plans, a small prank couldn't hurt right? Besides, Norman deserved it. Ock laughed as he settled the delivery arrangements and sat back down. He resumed his knitting, he would need a _lot _of sweaters.

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When Norman walked into the lab later, he was shocked. The air reeked of tuna and liter boxes. Covering the floor, were a hundred cats of all shapes, sizes, and breeds. They all had one thing in common, they all were wearing pink, matching, three-sleeved sweaters.

"OTTO!" He screamed as a kitten rubbed against his leg. But Ock was nowhere to be found. And taped to a nearby wall, was a poorly written note that read:

**Gone CAT-fishing!**

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**Thanks to IronFistRocks for the suggestion. I love cats and Doc Ock seems like he would too...maybe...if he wasn't evil...anyway,**

**Wolf out...**


	6. Not a Chapter

**Sorry for this, but The Struggles of World Domination is currently on-hold because of writer's block(I know I know, lame excuse) but it should continue in around...lets say...less than two weeks. Sorry again, but even though ****_MY_**** chapters are on-hold, you guys can still give me ****_YOUR_**** ideas to type into chapters for the time being. Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	7. Kraven's New Job

**Thanks to all my reviewers, this chapter is the result of a cool suggestion. R&amp;R and enjoy!**

**Reviewers: Thanks to-I'm a Jesus Freak for the suggestion. I hope you like the chapter!**

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**Chapter 7: Rude girls and Stupid Accents **

It was a beautiful Saturday morning in New York. Everyone was happy, especially a little girl pulling her mom into a pet store. They walked in and the small girl squealed at the sight of so many animals.

"Welcome to Cuddly Cuties, where we give our furry friends a home," A tall man with a fury lion-themed jacket said with a pained expression.

"Um...hello, we're just browsing today...come along Lulu," The nervous mom eyed the man and his barely concealed chest suspiciously. She was dragging her daughter into another aisle when Lulu spoke up in an obnoxious vice.

"Your accent is stupid," She stated matter-of-factly.

"I'm so sorry Mr..." Her mom trailed off.

"Kraven the hunter. And has it occurred to you little girl, that maybe you're the one with a stupid accent?"

"Excuse me but I want to see your boss, you can't just talk like-" Lulu cut her mom off.

"It's fine mommy, Mr. Mustache doesn't have anything better to do than insult little girls, Dolly thinks it's sad," Lulu smiled sweetly, gesturing to a doll she was carrying.

"How dare you insult Kraven! I have killed more animals than you can count, and what I hunt, I consume, and what I consume, I become!" He yelled.

"Maybe you should try consuming a salad before you leave your jacket open..." Lulu muttered.

"Enough! Come on Lulu, we're leaving!" The woman huffed before marching her daughter out of the pet store and away from Kraven, who practically had smoke coming out of his ears.

**Later...**

"How's the first day going partner?" A cheery looking blond man waltzed into the main pet store from a room in the back. He seemed to be the manager.

"I hate this job," Kraven responded_ enthusiastically_

"Well that's no good, you wanna know what makes my blues disappear faster than you can say furry friends?" The man had a thick Western accent.

"No," Kraven didn't even bother looking at the overly happy man.

"Saying our catchy slogan! Say it with me now!"

"Welcome to Cuddly Cuties where we give our furry friends a home," Kraven droned monotonously with his manager.

"Ahh. You know, nothing gives me quite the same joy as working here. I've worked here all my life. I didn't even want to be a pet store manager when I as young an all. Why I wanted to be a ballerina, imagine that! But my pa said to leave the tight-wearing to girls and find something else to be. So I came here, always loved animals. But sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to be a ballerina...show my pa that men can wear tights...achieve my dream..." The man stared off into the store aisles wistfully. Kraven was bashing his head against the nearest wall slowly and repetitively.

"Well good talk chum! Say what's your name again...Raven! That's it! A bit of an odd name but I'm not one to judge, anyway, see ya tomorrow pal!" The man walked out humming a lively tune.

"I AM KRAVEN THE HUNTER!" Kraven yelled at the empty building. He raised his fists and accidently knock over a parrot cage. The flimsy metal door opened, releasing a blue parrot into the room. Kraven felt something wet drop onto his shoulder and easily identified it by the smell.

"I hate you," He told the bird.

"Braaawwk! Stupid accent! Stupid accent!" The bird screeched as fellow parrots throughout the store took up its call.

"Wait till I find a deep fryer," Kraven grunted as he set out to find either a new cage or a baseball bat (whichever he found first), and thought about his resignation letter...and the brick he'd probably attach it to.

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**Remember, my chapters may be on hold, but I'll still write everyone else's suggestions! Thanks to all my awesome reviewers...**

**Wolf out...**


	8. Deadpool part I

**Ok, so this is going to be a two part chapter just cause. This is part 1 of my Dead Pool chapter, even though, I'm not exactly sure if he qualifies as a villain, or as a hero...marvel should have another category for him.**

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**Chapter 8: Joke's On You**

"Helloooo! I'm doing a survey on how many people understand this joke," A teenager in a red and black costume asked a random slightly overweight middle-aged man.

"Are you from that one video game store?" The man asked.

"OOH! So close! I'm a freelance hero, specializing in all things money-related and AWESOME, also known as Dead Pool!"

"Ok...so what's the joke?"

"What joke?"

"The joke...for your survey..."

"I love surveys, so what's it about?" Dead Pool squealed.

"What? Is this a prank? Is this some sort of prank? Am I on TV?" The man looked around in annoyance.

"No of course not, it's a joke! For the survey! Did you get it?"

"Um..."

"Sorry, but you didn't qualify for the million jillion dollar reward! Bye Old Man!" Dead Pool cheerfully walked away.

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"Who is that?" A little boy asked his parents, pointing to the black and red costume-clad Dead Pool.

"OOH! Origin story time!" Dead Pool yelled. He began in a low, serious voice. "Once, a nerdy kid had a best friend. His friend was a balloon, named Balloony. The kid loved Baloony, until one day...the ninjas that stole his mama, popped Balloony. The balloon was full of radioactive chemicals, which splashed on the boy, transforming him into an awesome hero of awesomeness and MONEY!"

"Cool!" The little boy shouted.

"Yeah it is!" Dead Pool high-fived him.

"I wanna a balloon! I wanna balloon!" The kid grinned.

"Take it from me kid, quit school, make a cool costume with POUCHES, and go freelance like me!"

"Excuse me, but I don't appreciate you talking to our kid like that!" The kid's mom shook her head.

"Ssshh...quiet...rest your head, breathe deeply, savor the New Yorkian smells of gas and pollution. Don't think about how your mom thinks you could have done way better..." Dead Pool whispered, jerking a thumb toward her husband.

"What did you say! What did your mom say?" The lady's husband yelled.

"Well, you know how she is, she always wanted me to marry someone..."

"Better, more handsome, richer?" Dead Pool finished.

"Yes! Wait, no! Her words not mine!" The man huffed at his wife's reply, and they promptly began arguing.

"So, freelance huh?" The kid asked Dead Pool.

"Yeah, its my jam!"

"Awesome," The boy bumped fists with Dead Pool, and the "hero" was soon on his way.

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**So that is part one of two Dead Pool parts. Because it is impossible to sum up Dead Pool in just one chapter, obviously. Thanks to Cheshire Kitty 101 for suggesting this. TheImmortalWeapon, hope your still being patient with me, I haven't forgotten the Scorpion request, and I think that may be my first story after the hold-period is over. Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	9. Deadpool part II

**Part 2 of Deadpool! Thanks to IronFistRocks for the story suggestion!**

**Reviewers: **

**I****'m a Jesus Freak: Thanks for telling me. I fixed it this time. I can't imagine how many people I annoyed earlier! :)**

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**Chapter 9: Spidey Wuvs Deadpool**

"Happy Valentines day!" A poor passerby was suddenly tackled by a teen boy in a red and black costume. Deadpool wrapped the stranger in a bear hug.

"Get off me you creep!" The man grunted.

"I know you mean best friend!" Deadpool yelled. And he hopped off the man and walked away.

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"Kevin!" Deadpool ran towards an old man sitting on a bus stop bench.

"Eh? My name is Steve," The old guy, or Steve, said.

"That's what I said! Steve! I've missed you!" Deadpool squealed.

"What? Are you that pajama-wearing hooligan that Jameson is always shouting about?"

"You don't remember your long, long, long, long, long, LONG, lost cousin? How could you do this to me Steve?" Deadpool burst into tears for about eight seconds and then paused to watch Steve's reaction.

"No, of course I remember ya...um...Donny?"

"Oh I knew somewhere deep in your wrinkled soul you remembered!" Deadpool threw his arms around Steve's bony frame.

"Yeah...gee, um, it's been a while hasn't it? Are you sure we're related?" Deadpool nodded enthusiastically. "Hmm, I guess my old memory is not what it used to be. Either way, now that ya found me, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship. Hows about you come over. You like oatmeal?"

"Whoa...slow down, this is a bit fast. I don't like you like that Old Dude, I don't even know you!" Deadpool gasped.

"But-but you said," Steve's eyes widened.

"Wait, you actually think I'm your-that we're-ahahahah! Oh this is rich! Sayonara Kevin! Ow! My butt's burning!" Deadpool took off on his jetpack. A tear rolled down Steve's old face.

"Nooo! I'll find ya Donny! One day! I'll bring you back! For the OATMEAL!" Steve yelled up at the sky.

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Peter Parker was patrolling when he heard a high-pitched scream. His spidey sense went off and he looked up just as Deadpool came freefalling down onto him.

"Woops! Forgot to open up my parachute! Good thing you broke my fall Spiderman!" Deadpool laughed.

"Deadpool," Peter snarled.

"Yeah so if you see an old guy named Kevin screaming about oatmeal, it totally wasn't my fault," Deadpool said casually.

"What do you want Deadpool?"

"What? I can't SWING by my favorite fan? Get it, SWING? 'Cause you swing? Ahahaha, I unalive myself," Deadpool chuckled, wiping an imaginary tear from his eye.

"Yeah, really funny..." Peter deadpanned. "And I'm not your fan."

"Then why'd you copy my suit?" He wriggled his eyebrows under his mask.

"Deadpool what do you want?" Peter tried again.

"Well...I did want all of S.H.I.E.L.D's secrets...but I can always get those! What I really want is more precious!" Deeadpool brought a hand behind his back and Peter tensed...as the insane mercenary pulled out a t-shirt with his masked face on it. The shirt said, #SpideyWuvsDeadpool. 

"What the-" Peter cut off as Deadpool pulled the shirt onto him and slung an arm around him while pulling a phone out of nowhere.

"Selfie!" Deadpool sang as he took a picture of him and of Peter wearing his t-shirt.

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**And that's the ending of Deadpool! I already have the suggestion for the next chapter, so that should be out some time tomorrow. (That's tomorrow as in the day AFTER the day this chapter is posted). Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	10. Hard Love

**Thanks to Liv Lokigirl for giving me this idea! Sorry if anything seems ooc but I personally don't have an in-depth knowledge of the Thor story, so...tell me if I did something wrong.**

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**Chapter 10: But I love you!**

"I hate you!"

"Well I hate you too!"

A teenage girl and boy were walking toward the school and arguing.

"Don't even talk to me!" The girl scoffed.

"Fine!" The boy yelled. "It's not like I even meant to get you in trouble..." He mumbled. The girl sniffed in disdain. Above them, the horned god of mischief lurked. Loki decided to mess with the teens, and as if on cue, Thor had to crash the party. Loki hadn't seen his brother yet, and he was just releasing his magic when Thor rose up to meet him. Loki's eyes widened as the magic beam struck his brother in the heart.

"Oomph!" Thor grunted as he was blown backwards slightly. The kids below saw the two Asgardians above them and decided that running would be a good idea at the moment. Loki was mentally screaming at himself for not noticing Thor's entry. Thor had regained his composure and was gazing at Loki like a lost puppy.

"Brother, have I ever told you how much I love you?" He asked in his loud voice, and Loki died a little inside. It had been a love spell, intended to make that boy fall in love with the first person he saw, which would have been the girl who obviously hated him. It had been meant to be funny!

"I am deeply sorry that I have not noticed this sooner. We shall pardon our differences and commence the books of scraps to commemorate every moment!" Thor yelled. Loki sighed and summoned his magic to counteract the spell. Thor ducked out of the way and pounced on Loki, hugging him until he was gasping for breath.

"I thought your greatest love was your hammer," Loki said sarcastically. Thor pulled away with a hurt look on his face.

"No, how could you say that? My hammer means nothing compared to our bond!" Thor held out his hammer and flew towards the Hudson, where he swung the mighty tool around and flung it into the murky river. Loki stared in awe.

"Did you-did you just-why didn't I try this before?" Loki whispered. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that web-slinging nuisance flipping through the city. Spiderman caught sight of them and began heading towards the Asgardians.

"Thor! See Spiderman over there?" Loki called to Thor. He nodded. "He wants to attack me!" Loki dramatically yelled.

"We must engage the man of spiders, as brothers!" Thor puffed out his chest when Loki grabbed him and started flying away.

"What is this, we are warriors!" Thor said in confusion.

"Yes, but we mustn't allow Spiderman to find us you numbskull!" Loki grunted.

"The names of nick! Numbskull! I like it! What shall I name you, Loki?" Thor squealed. **(Wow, never thought I'd see those two words together, ever!)**

"JUST, STOP, TALKING!" Eventually, Loki and Thor reached an abandoned shed on the docks. Loki sat Thor down on the floor and instructed him to be quiet.

"Now, I believe that you being of a higher position of power can compromise...our...lo-devotion for each other..." He stuttered uncomfortably.

"Brother, we can discuss business another time. Let us enjoy each other's company instead!" Thor grinned stupidly. He jumped up and wrapped Loki in another crushing hug.

"Get off me you oaf!"

"But I love you baby brother!"

"Help," Loki whimpered.

"I know you enjoy this Loki!"

"Aargh!" Loki sighed in barely suppressed anger.

"Coochi! Coochi! Coo! Who's a good baby brother? Who's a good baby brother? You are! You are!" Thor waggled a finger on Loki's helmet.

Outside, Spiderman was backing away from the window slowly and carefully. He could already imagine the therapy would need for this, as he just kept walking backward in horror. All the while he repeated in his mind, _j__ust keep walking spidey, just keep walking..._

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**LOL! I like this one a lot! In Spiderman's defense, I would do the same thing if I witnessed...this. X3 Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	11. Walmart Antics

**Thanks to star the star sorceress for the awesome idea! Also, after this story the hold period is officially over! But that doesn't mean that you can't give me suggestions, cause you can, and I love writing them! **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Walmart!**

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**Chapter 11:Power Coffee!**

Fury was strolling through the messy Walmart aisles when he saw it. Sitting on a shelf in the camping department. With a golden halo of wonderfulness surrounding it and shining with perfection. Fury wiped away a tear as he heard glorious singing from a chorus of angels.

"Ya gonna tip me Eye patch? Fury absentmindedly handed a dollar to a plump lady with a Viking helmet who had been singing church songs for the past two minutes. Anyway, he continued gazing at the last box of **Power Coffee!** resting on a shelf. It was Fury's favorite coffee and he couldn't find it anywhere else in New York. He reached a hand toward it and grabbed the polished metal can...just as someone else grabbed it from the other side.

"Fury?" Fury looked over to see Doctor Doom.

"Doom? You drink Power Coffee too?" Fury asked.

"I do, and it is an insult to steal Doom's coffee!" Doctor Doom snatched back the can. He and Fury both drew their laser guns.

"Ain't enough shelf space for more than one coffee in this Walmart..." Fury said. A stray rumpled shopping bag drifted between the two.

"Nope..." Doctor Doom sighed. Someone started playing a harmonica, and the clock struck noon.

"Clock just struck noon, Doom..." Fury shook his head. Doom nodded.

Doctor Doom and Fury pulled their triggers...each of them dived out of the way of the incoming...water?

"Ahahaha! Ahahahah!" A high pitched laugh from where the harmonica was being played revealed a familiar red and black-clad teenager.

"Deadpoooooooll!" Fury screamed.

"Nooooooooo!" Doctor Doom yelled at the same time. Fury's water stream hit the coffee can in Doom's arms...the can went up...higher and higher...finally gravity took affect...Fury and Doom threw their arms out and dived...the coffee fell...and landed perfectly between the two adults. They both sighed. Then watched as the coffee started floating. It wasn't really floating, but was being picked up. Fury and Doom looked up to see a huge dark man looking at the coffee can. He was about seven feet and all muscles. He had biceps on top of biceps, even his eyeballs practically had abs!

"Um, sir...I'm going to have to ask you to drop that, since I was about to purchase it..." Fury trailed off.

"Actually I was purchasing it," Doom added. Deadpool was smirking behind his mask as he watched the body builder he had hired do his work.

"Power Coffee? I HATE POWER COFFEE!" The muscleman crushed the can in one massive fist bigger than Fury's head and watched the grains fall to the floor.

"Nooo! Baby speak to me! Baby please! We can get through this!" Fury dropped to his knees and held the crushed grains of coffee in his palms. Doom knelt beside him and patted his back, his armor muffling his sniffles.

"Come now Fury, be strong...the coffee would have wanted it this way..." Doom whimpered softly as he and Fury (still babbling to the coffee grains) walked out of Walmart.

* * *

**Thanks again for the idea and the next chapter will feature Scorpion! Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	12. Shut Up Danny

**Weekend! Weekend! And that means all my stories have been or will be (depending on when you read this) updated! Yay! As promised, this is for Scorpion, and my first story after the hold period. Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 12: Exile With A Phone**

Scorpion had just been defeated by Danny and was sitting in a small, empty chamber. The white walls were peeling and the stone floor on which he slept was hard and cold. So this was exile. No matter, if there was one thing Scorpion was good at, other than fighting, it was stealing. The one who called himself Spiderman had had a small rectangular contraption in his boot. Scorpion had heard of these items common in the outside world, cellphones. It only had a little bit of battery power left, but on this mountain, it had full bars of Wi-Fi. Scorpion figured he only had a few hours of use, but now would be as good a time as ever. He turned it on and his eyes widened. He went to the text message screen and grinned. This would be a very fun few hours.

**Hey Agent Coulson, **Scorpion typed. He had managed to get into past text messages, where Spiderman angrily outlined an agent's love for his aunt, to the rest of the outside team, and Danny. **Aunt May wanted me to tell u, **Apparently Siderman did not use full words when using his cellphone. Scorpion didn't understand why, but he needed to sound authentic. **that she loves you more than life, **He thought a while, **and that she would ground me if I didn't send this message immediately. **Scorpion nodded, pleased with his work, and hit send.

* * *

Agent/principal Coulson was sitting at his school office when his phone beeped. He read the text from Peter, and sighed in bliss.

"Coulson you've still got it," He licked two fingers and ran them over his eyebrows. He wondered why May hadn't texted him from her own phone, but maybe she misplaced it and couldn't wait until she found it to express her love for him. That was probably right, but he couldn't send his reply to Peter's phone. The boy was not adjusting well to their relationship. Oh well, he would send it to May's phone and hope she saw it eventually.

**Mayflower, you are as much a part of my life, as my collection of ties. I love you too.**

**signed, Phil-berry**

He sighed again as he shuddered from joy. This relationship was more exciting than organizing his filing cabinets (and to Coulson, that was a lot!).

* * *

Meanwhile, Scorpion was typing away a new message, this one addressed to Fury. **Bro, u r like totally an eye-patch-wearing-angry-cape-swoosher-that-insists-that-this-ain't-your-first-rodeo and a JERK! wuv, Spiderman X3 **He reread it, then clicked Send.

* * *

Peter was lounging on his couch when Aunt May's phone beeped. Curiosity taking the better of him, he grabbed the phone and read the message. Peter nearly fell off the couch. He took a deep breath, and then another one. He typed, forgetting that he was using his aunt's phone. **Dude really? Seriously? If u gonna compliment, at least do it well! **He sent it and rolled his eyes in annoyance, not entirely aware of what he'd just done.

* * *

Coulson lunged at his phone as soon as it beeped. His eyes widened as he read. Why would May write that?

"Coulson!" Fury stormed in.

"Yes Fury?"

"Where is that irresponsible ignorant kid!"

"Which one?" Coulson deadpanned.

"Parker!" Fury growled.

"Web-head!" Sam flew into the office clutching his phone.

"When I get my claws on him-" Ava snarled as she came into the room.

"Not cool. Not cool," Luke walked in with Danny.

"What are you all doing here?" Fury looked at the teens, interrupted from his rant.

"Arach-nerd spammed my phone with pictures of albino rabbits! And he sent a voicemail...with bunny sounds! Who does that!" Sam fumed.

"Get over yourself bucket-head. Web-head texted me that I'm obsessed with romance novels but I'm not even a real girl!" Ava screamed.

"You read romance novels?" Sam laughed.

"NOT THE POINT SAM!" She said through her teeth.

"If I may interrupt-" Danny's voice was lost in the chaos.

"He told me I should join a gym! Pete called _me _fat! Does he know me!" Luke ranted.

"Actually I have reason to believe-" Danny tried again.

"The kid called me an eye-patch wearing jerk! I am his superior! I could have him kicked off my ship faster than he can send another stupid text! This ain't my first rodeo!" Fury yelled.

"Well-" Danny was desperately trying to get everyone's attention.

"And I'm starting to think that he rejected my love note to May!" Coulson joined in. The room got quiet. "What?" Coulson asked. Danny seized the chance.

"I don't believe that Peter is the one doing this."

"What did he send you?" Ava asked accusingly.

"Nothing actually, but-"

"Then BUT OUT!" Sam yelled.

"Patience is a-"

"SHUT UP DANNY!" Everyone screamed at him, and then resumed their crazed rambling. Danny blushed and stepped outside the office.

"Well-played Scorpion. Well-played," He grinned.

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**Yup, I know it took a while, but here it is! Scorpion's chapter. I wouldn't want to be Peter right about now! And seriously, I just don't understand why Sam and Pete take their phones on missions. But I'm not complaining! Hope you guys enjoyed, please review, and...**

**Wolf out...**


	13. J Gerald Jameson?

**This is set back when Norman Osborn was still human, but he still counts as a villain. I went back and read through this story and face-palmed so many times at the number of mistakes. PLEASE! If a chapter has even the tiniest error, tell me! I will fix it! R&amp;R and enjoy! Also, I think I might officially update this every Saturday. Probably. **

* * *

**Chapter 13: Of Romance and Chicken Soup**

Norman Osborn was walking through a pharmacy. He had contracted quite a cold and was looking for something to help his symptoms. Slightly annoyed, he walked to the register and asked the lady what he should buy.

"Nothin" The lady said.

"Excuse me?" Norman asked.

"Honey all you need is some old fashioned chicken soup!" The lady was old, maybe 70 or 80, but her tone was warm yet commanding at the same time. She was the type of lady that you would see baking chocolate chip cookies one minute, and hitting someone upside the head with her purse the next minute.

"Right. I'll just take Tylenol," Norman said dryly.

"Hmph!" The lady huffed. "You kids these days! All your fancy medicinal drugs and pills. I'm tellin' you baby, all you need is chicken soup."

"I'll have you know that I'm a grown man."

"Wait a minute, I know you! Uh-huh, yup, you're famous!"

"Well, perhaps not famous, but well-respected. Now, as owner of a multi-billion dollar company, I'm sure it's obvious that I can take care of myself well enou-"

"Company? Oh no baby, no no no no no! You're that ugly guy that rants about Spiderman on that big television machine!" The lady nodded.

"Jameson?"

"Yeah! J. Gerald. Jameson, or something like that."

"How could you even assume that! Gerald doesn't even start with a J!"

"Either way, I think you look great without your bushy mustache! Purrrr," The lady did a "kitty claws" gesture.

"Um-um-um..." Norman felt his face get hot.

"How about I make you some nice," The lady got closer, "Hot," She cupped Norman's face in her bony hands, "Chicken soup."

"NO! Er, I mean, I'm quite sure that I can brave this trivial illness, alone," Norman staggered out of her grasp, knocking over a shelf full of medicine bottles, which all crashed to the floor.

"Aw, you are just so _cute_!" She pinched his cheek.

"Tha-thank you, ma'am," Norman flinched, his voice becoming more high-pitched.

"I love a man who can dance! Do you know how to dance Jameson?"

"Actually my name is Norman Os-WHOA!" Norman was suddenly being swung in dizzying circles by his arm. He came to a stop pressed against the lady's body.

"Help!" He squeaked.

"You sure do need help honey, in a dance lesson!" She sang as she swayed her hips side to side and clapped her hands and stomped her feet. Norman tried backing away and was only pulled into another spin.

"Sprinkler!" The lady shouted as she rotated an outstretched arm in a jerking motion, hitting Norman in the nose in the process.

"You little-"

"Sh! Don't speak, you'll ruin the moment," She sighed.

"Ok lady, put Osborn down!" Two police officers stormed into the pharmacy.

"I love parties!" The lady laughed giddily. She used her free arm to grab both police officer's hands. As the threesome danced, the lady cackled, Norman prayed for his life, and the police officers tried to decide whether this was more fun than patrolling streets. Eventually, the old lady tired herself out and Norman escaped, but it would be years before he could enjoy another bowl of chicken soup.

* * *

**This was inspired by an AsapSCIENCE video about homemade remedies that actually work, one of which being-you guessed it-chicken soup. Hope you guys enjoyed and as always, feel free to give me suggestions for future stories, or even just villain requests. Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	14. The World's Most Evil Mastermind

**Hey guys! This is my chapter but I will use a few ideas. Star the Star Sorceress, I like your babysitting thing and it's funny because I was already planning on doing that! Great minds think alike :D. Neyite, I'm not sure if I can pull Scorpio off, since his story seems kind of sad and I don't know if I want to make fun of him. I will try though, because I might have an idea. Anyway, this chapter is AU, since I going to pretend that Sandman lives in New York, in an actual home, instead of at S.H.I.E.L.D. **

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing**

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**Chapter 14: Dang Cookies**

Sandman had fallen asleep in his easy chair when an obnoxious knocking woke him up. He sluggishly opened the door.

"Girl scout cookies!" A little girl with brown pigtails, freckles and green eyes was standing in the hallway of the apartment building with a big smile plastered on her face.

"Oh, no thank you-"Sandman started.

"No thank you? Really! I slave over a hot stove all day making these freaking cookies and you say NO THANK YOU!" The girl put her hands on her hips.

"Look little girl, I know that you didn't make those-"

"No, you look, my troop leader says that whoever sells the most cookies, gets a Princess Prettypink bike! You know what that means don't ya bub! It means that as the biggest Princess Prettypink fan IN THE WORLD, I NEED THAT FLIPPING BIKE!" She yelled in a high pitched voice.

"How about I just buy you the bike tomorrow, just let me sleep tonight and-"

"Are you suggesting that I cheat! That isn't the girl scout way. Now hurry up and buy some dang cookies, and get a new wardrobe while you're at it," She snapped sassily. Sandman looked at his striped green and white t-shirt.

"What's wrong with my outfit?"

"Um, nothing...if you were a toddler! My mother says that grown men should wear suits and designer sweaters, otherwise they're no good."

"Your _mother_? Don't little brats like you have _mommies_?" Sandman growled. He was getting mad, this wasn't good.

"How old do you think I am Gramps? I'll have you know that I'm already this many," She held up eight fingers, "And I'm not getting any younger, so hand over the bills and I'll give you a box of cookies!"

"I DON'T WANT YOUR COOKIES!"

"YES YOU DO!"

"GET AWAY FROM MY HOUSE OR I'LL FILE A RESRAINING ORDER!" Sandman could feel his feet starting to mush into fine grains.

"Restraining orders didn't stop Mother and they won't stop me!" The girl walked into Sandman's apartment, found his wallet on the table, and started counting out the money.

"Four...five...six-"

"Listen little girl, your parents must be crazy to put up with you, but I'm not that crazy! You are going to get outta my house, walk out of this building, and-" Sandman said a few colorful words that made the little girl stop dead.

"What did you say to me?" She snarled.

"Uh..." Sandman was debating his moral code.

"Real mature, and you made me lose my place! Now, I gotta start over! One...two...three..." She huffed.

"Uh..." Sandman wondered if he should have watched more crime shows, especially the ones from the criminal point of views.

"Ten! There! Here is you stupid box of cookies!" The girl screamed.

"Uh..." Then he wondered how far away Mexico was. The girl handed him a box of butterscotch cookies and started walking out. Sandman snapped to attention.

"HEY! YOU JUST ROBBED ME YOU PHSYCOTIC LITTLE BRAT!" He grew taller and sandier.

"You're a genius," The girl muttered sarcastically. She turned around to glare at him and screamed.

"EWEWEWEWEWEWEEEEEEEEWWWW!" She ran, still holding the rest of her cookies plus the money. As she ran she came across a teenager in a red and blue suit.

"Spiderman?" She asked.

"In the flesh, hey you haven't seen a walking sand castle have you?"

"Cute, now if only your saving was as good as your jokes!" She yelled. Spiderman scratched his head.

"Who needs saving?"

"ME!"

"Right! I knew that!" Just then Sandman came roaring into the corridor.

"SPIDERMAN! THAT LITTLE DEMON JUST ROBBED ME!" Spidey looked at the cute little "demon."

"Aaaahhhh! Spiderman that big scary and stupid monster has been chasing me all night! I walked to his house because I heard that he was unstable and I felt so sorry for him that I was going to give him this money and some free cookies! But he turned into that and tried to eat me! You won't let him eat me will you! You're too strong and brave to let him eat me!" She wailed.

"Look Sandy, she's just a kid! You can't go around scaring kids! It's ok now little girl, and you can keep the money, he doesn't deserve it," Spiderman declared. The girl blushed and smiled.

"That's exactly what I was thinking!" And she sashayed away calmly.

"Well Sandy, what do you have to say for yourself?" Spidey asked.

"I only hope that that little witch never decides to become a villain, otherwise we'll all be doomed," He shuddered, thinking of a little girl laughing maniacally on a throne overlooking fields of burning cities as unicorns enslaved humans.

"Definitely doomed."

* * *

**Yeah so thanks for reading and stuff. All the people who have reviewed, you guys are AWESOME! Seriously though, this is my most popular story and I've always wanted to get to 50 reviews, and now it seems like it's actually possible! Yay! So anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	15. Are We There Yet

**Sorry if it seems a little late! Anyway, Star and Neyite, I sort of blended your ideas together! I'm actually really happy with the way this turned out so I hope you guys like it! Also, NinjaGeek, I love your idea and I will totally use it either next chapter or the one after that! **

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything you recognize nor U.S.M**

* * *

**Chapter 15: Pink Fluffy Nyan Cats**

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"OK...are we there yet?"

"Not yet."

"Oh...how about now? Are we there now?"

"NO!" Scorpio was in a minivan with four or five toddlers(Scorpio hadn't bothered to count). He was dropping them off to a very special person. He looked back at the kids. One had slightly long back hair and green eyes. He was in a golden car seat decorated with horns. Another one was wrapped in a gray cloak and didn't want to show his face, he was in a black car seat. One boy with long greasy black hair and yellow-tinted glasses was playing with a screwdriver. Scorpio was quite proud of himself for thinking to give that kid a screwdriver. Whenever it was in his chubby little hands, he was quiet. He was in a gray car seat. The last one was a girl. She had green eyes, shoulder-length red hair, and was wearing a golden crown. She was in a red car seat. The green eyed boy was the most annoying one, especially with his British accent.

"This is boring! Are we there NOOOOWWW?" He yelled.

"Do you want me to turn this car around?" Scorpio screamed at him. HONK! HONK! A huge 18-wheeler was coming down the highway and apparently, Scorpio had swerved into the wrong lane. He jerked the wheel to the right and spun just out of the way of the truck, slamming into the railing. He hit the breaks so hard that they screeched and Scorpion smelt the burnt rubber. He gasped. Then he reached over into the back seat and grabbed the Brit by his neck.

"License and identification and...sir? What are you doing? Are these your kids?" A police officer was pounding on the window, interrupting Scorpio trying to strangle the toddler. Scorpio put his hands in his lap and put on a cheesy grin, which was difficult with his costume/amour. He handed the officer what he hoped looked like a genuine ID card.

"Bob Ferris?" The officer read, with more than a hint of doubt.

"Yup!"

"Right..."

"Well, if that's settled, I have to drop off the kids..."

"All of them? Are they yours?"

"Um...not really..."

"Not really!"

"Well they don't really have parents that I know of..."

"What!"

"No, no, they're actually really old, especially the British one. I can't even imagine how old he is!"

"I'm going to need you to step out of the car _sir_..."

"Why?" Scorpio moaned.

"Do you even know what they're names are?"

"Yeah. The girl's name is Tundra-No! Wait! Thundra! And the kid playing with the screwdriver is-"

"SCREWDRIVER!"

"His name is Doctor Squid, or was it octopus? Yeah, Doctor Squid! And um, the cloaked kid is Tazzmaster, and the Brit is er...Lachy? Locky? Lochi!"

"Thundra? Doctor Squid? Tazzmaster and Lochi? Really?"

"yeah!"

"And is the screwdriver fake or..."

"Of course not! 100 percent real! Only the best for my little toddlers!"

"WHAT! YOU GAVE A KID A REAL SCREWDRIVER!"

"So?"

"ARE YOU AWARE THAT HE IS EATING IT?" Scorpio looked to see Doctor Squid stuffing the pointy end in his throat and giggling.

"He's loving it!"

"Yeah, you're going to need to answer a few questions at the station."

"Ok fine, but first, I'd like to say something I've always wanted to say..."

"And that would be..."

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE COPPAH!" Scorpio hit the gas and screeched his way off the highway away from the overly nosy cop. Soon, he was right below the S.H.I.E.L.D tricarrier. He picked up the kids and stuffed them into a holey duffel bag. Then he casually contacted Fury (in a disguised voice) saying he had a delivery. After a moment, Fury landed the air craft and found nothing but a wriggling duffel bag. He carefully unzipped it and a green eyed little boy flew out and into the tricarrier.

"Catch me if you can Snot Rags!" He shouted to the rest of the kids, who were following him into the carrier. Fury sighed at the de-aged villains and walked back inside. Inside, the toddlers were bouncing around. Little Loki was turning the walls into rainbow colored kittens. Doc Ock was hacking into the computers and filling the screens with games of Flappy Bird. Thundra was very happily smashing things while Taskmaster cackled creepily as he planted miniature flash bombs around the tricarrier. One went off, creating a domino effect that made Taskmaster giggle. Fury face-palmed so hard that it left a mark. He sneezed, glaring at the huge Nyan Cat that had just appeared.

"I'm allergic to cats and pop tarts, and what does that little runt give me? A pop tart cat!" Fury sighed, then sneezed again. He decided that the kids would eventually fall asleep so he just walked away. He glanced back in time to see Nyan Cat and a pink fluffy unicorn singing together.

Fury clutched his head and began muttering to himself.

"Pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows, pink fluffy unicorns-mew meow meow meow meow-on rainbows! Mew meow mew meow!" He wandered through the hallways, singing. Coulson looked at him.

"Are you alright sir?"

"Nyan Cats and pink fluffy unicorns...everywhere!" Fury moaned as he kept on walking.

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**By the way, I did not mean to offend any British people, love you guys! I actually love the accent and every person I meet tells me I have a strong British accent even though I have never been to the UK. But yeah, anyway this is a slightly longer chapter than normal and I hope you all enjoyed it! If you don't get the fluffy unicorn reference, go to YouTube or Google and type in PINK FLUFFY UNICORNS DANCING ON RAINBOWS! It is very cute and very annoying! Yay! Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	16. Ping Ping Ping!

**Thanks to NinjaGeek for the suggestion! And for the record, there is no such thing as 'too ooc' in this story! Here it is, enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 16: Sparta + Narnia = Spartia?**

Taskmaster was walking through the city with some plastic bags in hand. What, you ask, were in these bags? Doomsday devices maybe? Ultra top secret government weapons? Notes with Spiderman's secret identity? Nope! In these inconspicuous plastic bags were...groceries. Regular, ordinary groceries from a regular, ordinary supermarket. Taskmaster was carrying his groceries to his house, like his wife requested. Eventually he made it to the outskirts of the city and to a nice two-story house painted yellow, with a baby blue roof. He walked into the kitchen.

"Honey! I'm home!" He yelled cheerfully. There was a note on the kitchen table. Tasky put down the bags and read the note.

**Thank you for leaving me the house this afternoon Taskypoo! I have decided that you spend too much time on this 'Spiderman' matter. I have always said that we need to take a romantic holiday, but if you won't agree willingly, we'll just have to have a bit of friendly competition. See you on the battle field honey. And like the kids say: May the odds be ever in your favor!**

**Signed: Your Taskmistress, Dona **

Taskmaster scratched his head. PING! A Nerf bullet shot past him. What the?

"Prepare for battle Tasky!" A feminine voice rang out. There was his wife, wearing a stylish black cloak, taking cover behind the counter. Black painted lines ran under her bright blue eyes. She tossed him a long, plastic, yellow Nerf gun. Taskmaster grinned under his armor.

"Way ahead of you!" He twirled the gun around in his fingers. It had begun. Taskmaster ran for the door and dived outside, dodging several bullets. FWHIP! Tasky shot eight bullets into the house from under the car. Dona forward rolled out of the door and army crawled to their gardening shed. It was madness. Bullets shot through the air at 100 miles per hour! Taskmaster accidently broke a window, Dona broke a few flower pots.

"FOR NARNIA!" Dona yelled as she shot four bullet rounds. Taskmaster bended back in slow motion.

"Nooooooo!" He yelled (also in slow motion) and did a perfect matrix imitation.

"THIS IS SPARTA!" Taskmaster roared. He shot a bullet...it zoomed past the car...past the shed...it hit Dona square in the jar. She yelped and fell to her knees. Taskmaster ran to her and took her in his arms.

"Dona! Dona! I am sorry!"

"Tasky! Never forget me! Goodbye cruel world!" She raised a hand to her forehead and fell back.

"Whhhhhyyyyyyy!" Tasky yelled. He waited a moment. "So...wanna do another round?" He asked. Dona grinned crazily at him. There was the distinct sound of a Nerf gun cocking.

"I thought it already started...honey!" She laughed, raising the gun to his face. Taskmaster ran.

"No! Stop! Dona! We can talk about this!" He yelled. Then he realized something. "I have no ammo!"

"Too bad Taskypoo! Too bad!" Dona screamed maniacally, as she emptied her gun on Taskmaster's retreating form.

* * *

**Finally got this done! This should've been out earlier, but I had to do some things with my other late story. Hope you guys enjoyed, I know it is short, but I like it. Sometimes, less is more! Also, only 11 more reviews until 50! If we can get there, I might do something special. Yes, I totally have something in mind! Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	17. SWORD Academy

**Ok so I figured out what I'll do if I get 50 reviews, but I'll tell you guys at the bottom. And before people tell me off for making up my own acronym for SWORD, I know that that is already a thing. I know that it stands for Sentient World Observation and Response Department, and I know that it isn't aimed for villains. This (other than the name) has nothing to do with _that_ SWORD!**

**NinjaGeek- Thanks! Glad you liked it!**

* * *

**Chapter 17: Captain America Undies**

Doctor Doom, Doc Ock, Green Goblin, Batroc the Leaper, and Kraven were walking in the rain to an old abandoned building. They had been recruited by a new organization called S.W.O.R.D to become the ultimate villains. Batroc was lagging behind slightly because he chose to view this as 'going to school,' so he had a heavy backpack full of items from a second grade back-to-school-list he'd stolen. He had wanted a purple backpack, but the only one he could find had been a Hello Kitty one.

They finally made it to the building and Doctor Doom knocked on the door. A thin, but well-toned African American woman opened the door. She had long black hair and a sleek suit. She had an eye-patch and scarlet lipstick. She placed a hand on her hip and batted her eyelashes at the villains.

"Welcome to S.W.O.R.D, Spiteful, Waging, Observation, for Revenge, Department. I'm Nicky Furious, but you will all call me Directress Furious," She said.

"Well, Miss Furious, as I'm sure you've heard, I am Doom. I happen to rule my own kingdom, and it does have a lot of space," Doctor Doom pushed in front of the other villains. Directress Furious glared at him and pulled a futuristic rocket launcher out of a tool belt strapped to her waist. She pointed it at Doctor Doom until he stepped back. She cocked an eyebrow and put the launcher away.

"I'm sorry, but I thought I told you to call me _directress,_" She crooned. Then she walked into the building, gesturing for the villains to follow her.

"Arrrrriiba," Doctor Doom purred.

As it turned out, Batroc hadn't been completely wrong. The villains sat at rickety desks, with Directress Furious at the head of the room. She straightened her posture and began her lesson.

"Now, we will start with a scenario. Spiderman has trapped you in his webs and looks away for a moment to call in backup. A pedestrian walks by. What do you do?"

"I would make good use of my Doom-Bots, since I have so many, because I own a kingdom," Doctor Doom leaned back in his chair. Goblin casually kicked his chair legs, making Doom fall backwards on his head. Directress Fury sighed.

"Next!" She screamed.

"I would break free with my arms and take the pedestrian hostage," Doc Ock hissed. The directress nodded.

"Next!"

"I vould lure in this pedestrian, then hunt him and consume him and become him!" Kraven announced.

"Yes because everyone wants super pedestrian powers," Doc Doom snorted to Doc Ock.

"Indeed, you get super walking power, and super coffee making powers!" Ock sniggered back. Directress Furious glared at the 'doctors,' then at Kraven.

"Wrong answer," She said. She pressed a button on a wall and large claws came and grabbed Kraven.

"Ooh! Are you going to drop him in ze pit of ze snakes?" Batroc asked.

"Or even scarier, show him a full length mirror," Doc Ock chuckled.

"Look who's talking," Directress Furious said smoothly. Doc Ock lowered his head as the others laughed. "And I have a worse punishment." She lowered him into a pit that appeared in the floor.

"Release the beast!" She screamed as a set of doors within the pit opened. Out walked the world's tackiest hipster. It was an old lady with electric blue hair and neon orange lipstick smeared around her mouth, which went beautifully with her purple eye shadow and blush. Not to mention she was dressed completely in leopard print.

"Pucker up Tiger Boy!" She pounced on a screaming Kraven and began - well - lets just say that Kraven had a fear of the color orange from then on, which was awkward considering his costume.

"Right, now who's next?" Directress Furious asked her remaining students.

"I would leap away but leave ze stolen goods with ze Spiderman so he would have no reason to chase me, then I could escape into ze night!" Batroc said.

"NO! No self respecting villain would just _give away_ the stolen goods! Wrong answer!" She screeched. She pulled out the rocket launcher and fired a missile at Batroc. The French villain screamed and ran out of the building and into the street before the missile went off, blowing him into a conveniently placed power line.

"Aaaaaaaaah!" Batroc shrieked as his pants caught fire.

"Stop drop and ze roll! Stop drop and ze roll!" He gasped as the fire quickly ate a hole in his spandex suit, revealing Captain America underwear.

"Ok, your turn Goblin," The directress smiled. Goblin looked at her coolly.

"Nothing, I would not allow myself to be caught by Spiderman in the first place," He shrugged.

"Correct! It was a trick question, no one should ever find themselves caught by the wall crawler! Correct!" She winked at him. Then she told the villains to take five and walked out.

"Look teacher's pet, I don't know who you think you are, stealing the bride of Doom, but-" Doom was cut off by Goblin.

"Your bride? What are you talking about you twit?"

"She obviously adores me."

"And it doesn't unnerve you that she is the female counterpart of our sworn enemy?" Goblin asked.

"Fury?" Doctor Doom scratched his head, "I see no resemblance, they are nothing alike," He said.

"No wonder you let your daughter blow up Pluto, you're an idiot!"

"Hey! We do not speak of that _incident_!"

Doc Ock decided to settle himself down in a chair after quickly making popcorn.

* * *

**Ok so I hope you guys enjoyed! If I can get 50 reviews here is what I'll do:**

**You guys can all vote on which chapter you thought was best or had the best characters or whatever.**

**Then you can all review or Pm me some questions that you would want to ask the characters in their scene.**

**I'll accept any questions, even fourth wall ones, and I'll take about three or four from a couple of people. So basically you all get a chance to interview the characters from your favorite chapter. **

**Example:**

**From the first chapter:**

**"So Doc Doom, why do you think Missy is such a twerp?"**

**[insert Doom's answer here!]**

**But yeah, I think it could be fun to do, and I only need 7 more reviews! Of course though, you all can still give me suggestions as always! Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	18. Mailmania

**Yeah, here is the next chapter. This one has a guest appearance of Flash Thompson! Also, if anyone watches Gravity Falls, and has seen the episode "Carpet Diem," I got some inspiration from that. **

**IronFistRocks: Thanks for submitting your questions, they will totally be answered, so definitely keep reading for those!**

**Nova'sGirl: Thanks for voting, and by, the chapter with Sam, you mean the one with Scorpion right?**

* * *

**Chapter 18: Worst Day Ever!**

"Stupid S.H.I.E.L.D, making me do stupid community service, delivering stupid mail," The Juggernaut, minus his armor, was moping through the streets. He wore a pristine blue suit with a matching hat. A brown satchel was slung over his huge arm. Yup, the Juggernaut was a mailman.

_Ding, dong!_ The Juggernaut rang a doorbell and waited. Fury had made it very clear that he wasn't going to just drop off the mail in the box, he was going to have to deliver it all _personally_.

"Hello?" A muscular teenage kid with spiky blonde hair, with a lightening bolt cut into the side of it, opened the door. He had a Midtown letterman jacket.

"I am the Juggernaut! Here's your issue of Fashonista! Magezine," Juggy handed a hot pink magazine to the kid.

"Er, um, this isn't mine dude. It's...my mom's..." The boy stuttered, red-faced.

"It's cool kid, I don't judge. I remember when I started looking at girls, buying fashion magazines just to tape pictures of the girls up on my walls, told all my friends that they were pictures of my girlfriends..." Juggy sighed.

"Um..."

"Yep...those were the days, say has your father had _the talk_, with you? Cause I could-" Juggy started.

"Ahhhh! No! NO! Gross man! What kind of a mailman are you!" The boy yelled in panic.

"Ok, ok, whatever kid. I'm actually not a real mailman, I'm a villain doing S.H.I.E.L.D issued community service. Hey, you know I used to have hair just like yours, long and golden, and I was the star player on my high school football team, and I used to bully this one wimpy kid. Then I got kicked off the team, and my hair started falling off so I cut it short, and it turned grey, so I had to dye it black. And I hit the gym, now I'm huge, turned into a villain, always getting beat by Spiderman...I used to be just like you! So enjoy it while you're young kid..."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" The boy started grabbing his hair, holding it down to his head.

"Flash? What are you screaming for?" A feminine voice rang out from the inside of the house. Flash, still screaming, ran into the house and slammed the door.

"Wait kid! You forgot the magazine!" Juggy yelled. Flash, _still_ screaming, ran back out, grabbed the magazine, and ran back in.

"Hmmm, what a nice kid," Juggy thought. _Grrrrrrrrrr_. Juggy turned to see a Doberman crawl out of a comically small dog-house.

"I want my Jugger-mom!" Juggy whimpered. The dog pounced and the Juggernaut ran. Now, since he didn't have any armor, Juggy had no protection whatsoever. He climbed up a tree and clung to the branches.

"Yeeeeoooooorrrrr!" A very puffed up cat was also on that same branch. Juggy sighed. The cat leapt on his face and started scratching him everywhere, the Juggernaut fell off the tree, right on top of the Doberman.

"Bruh..." Juggy huffed as time stood still, then both animals jumped him.

* * *

**By the way, don't forget to give me questions for whatever characters, and they don't have to be main characters. I'm kind of curious to see people ask Deadpool a few questions. But yeah, thanks to all my awesome faithful reviewers and to my newest reviewers, welcome to the Struggles of World Domination Team! Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	19. School Dance

**Hey guys! A lot of my regular reviewers have stopped reviewing! I don't know why, if it's the quality I'll try to do better but...Yeah! And I can't keep this story running without help from my reviewers so, PLEASE! PLEASE! REVIEW! I need suggestions! And also, next chapter is the villain Q &amp; A, so this week is the last chance to give me questions you'd like to ask. I will take all of them!**

* * *

**Chapter 19: I'm gonna wreck it!**

The Wrecking Crew (Piledriver, Wrecker, Thunderball, and Bulldozer) was lounging around Wrecker's house. They were eating nachos and lying on couches or on the floor. Finally, Wrecker's 16 year old daughter, Taylor, came in.

"Dad! Where is my new dress?" She asked. Wrecker cocked an eyebrow.

"I dunno, why?"

"Um, duh! The school dance starts in an hour!" She said. Then she hastily left the room in a panic to search the rest of the house. The Wrecking Crew looked at each other.

"Wanna go embarrass my daughter?" Wrecker smirked. The others nodded eagerly and went to find some more 'appropriate' clothes.

* * *

Taylor was dancing with the guy who she had always had a huge crush on. Bob. He was one of the popular kids and he had finally asked Taylor to the dance. She was wearing her new dress, which was short-ish and pink and sparkly.

"Hey Tay!" Piledriver came in. Taylor stared at him.

"Oooooohhh! Wait! Is this bob?" Piledriver shook Bob's hand. The huge man was dressed in a neon orange (Think of old lady lipstick) suit and a blue and purple striped tie.

"Nice...to meet...you?" Bob said.

"Polite! No wonder Taylor has had a crush on you since elementary school! She even has a secret shrine in her locker dedicated to you!" Piledriver whispered confidentially. Taylor slapped Piledriver away and glared at him.

"Hey Taylor!" Thunderball wormed his way between Bob and Taylor. "Whaz goes on in the hizzy! This is a pretty hip song huh?" He was wearing huge golden, fake teeth, a golden whistle around his neck, a rainbow colored afro, a madras shirt and bellbottom jeans up to his armpits.

"Um, ew!" Taylor led Bob away from Thunderball.

"I 'member back in the 80s when I used to get funky with it!" He yelled, placing one hand on the back of his head, and the other hand holding up his foot, he started shaking and bobbing and hopping around like a headless chicken. Bob looked at Taylor.

"Do you know these guys?"

"Um...no?"

"Yo Tay Tay!" Bulldozer strolled in. He was wearing a black leather jacket, ripped denim jeans, and an Elvis-style wig, extra hair spray. Taylor sighed.

"Kill me now," She muttered.

"So...did you guys make out yet?"

"Wait, WHAT!" Taylor screeched.

"Taylor! Is this Bob?" Wrecker walked in last. Taylor nearly had a heart attack upon seeing him. He was wearing a stained, white undershirt, and...no pants! Just his boxers decorated with little hearts. He clapped Bob on the back and pulled him over.

"Mind if I have a quick talk with Bob, Honeyplum?"

"Uh..."

"Great, thanks!" Wrecker grabbed Bob just as a slow song started playing. Wrecker seized the moment and started slow dancing with Bob, all the while glaring at him.

"Listen Bob, if you do _anything_ to my little girl, I will wreck your face!"

"Yes, sir!" Bob yelped.

"Good, because if you even think about her, I will come to your house, wear what I'm wearing now, and do the Harlem Shake on your lawn until it haunts your nightmares!" Wrecker shouted. Bob gulped, eyes widening.

"Yes, sir!"

"Great! Now go have fun ya crazy kid!" Wrecker shoved him into Taylor.

"Bob!" She said in surprise.

"Yeah um, Taylor? I think we need to see other people..." He chuckled nervously. He ran out of the gym.

"Wait Bob!"

"It's not me, it's your family!" He yelled back as he ran. Now the Wrecking Crew stood behind Taylor.

"Such a nice young man," Bulldozer said. Taylor turned to them.

"I AM GONG YOU WRECK ALL OF YOU!" She screamed, and the last thing that Wrecker said before being knocked unconscious was:

"My little girl, I'm so proud!"

* * *

**Also, sorry for the delay, but I was on a road trip/holiday! Yay! Thanks to:**

**I'm a Jesus Freak**

**IronFistRocks**

**For sticking with it! Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	20. 50 Reviewer Special

**It's here! It's finally here! The 50 review special interview chapter! Yay! This took four hours for me to type and it's extra long. Also, I organized it so that the first question of every interview session is from a reviewer, and then the 'sub' sentences are just things that go along with the original question. We have a total of three villains, one hero, and one insane mercenary! **

**Oh and when it says 'next question,' that means that it is a new session with a new question, but for the same person. **

**Thanks to all my reviewers that made this possible!**

* * *

**Chapter 20: Interviews **

Doc Doom:

**How did Pluto blow up?**

Um...Do vee have to talk about this?

**Yes, yes we do.**

Vat about my right to remain silent?

**This is a fanfic not a court. You don't have any rights.**

Fine! The dwarf planet happened to blow up...because...because I am zee greatest super villain of all time! I vanted to originally blow it up publicly, say...on Fury's birthday or something. But zen I decided to do it early...in private...for it to be a surprise...So many months of planning...

**Hmm...That's not what I heard.**

DON'T LISTEN TO THEM! LIES! THEY'RE ALL LIES! MY DAUGHTER HAD NOTHING TO DO VITH IT!

**I never mentioned your daughter.**

Oh...Really? Vell...this is awkward...I'm just going to go now...

**NEXT QUESTION**

**What's the deal with Power Coffee, shouldn't that be something Powerman would drink?**

Actually no. And yes. At the same time. Power Coffee-It really is amazing by the vay-is supposed to be the vorld's most powerful coffee. And vith my daughter and Fury's teenage _heroes_, vee definitely need it regularly. Oh! Zat reminds me! I'll be right back.

Ah! Deliciously energizing! You should try some!

**No thanks...**

Suit yourself. Anyway, even though the vonderful brand shares the same name as Powerman, the large teenager really doesn't need any more power.

* * *

Doc Ock:

**Do you eat seafood?**

Hmm...You'll have to be more specific. _Did _I eat seafood? Yes, yes I did. Do I eat it now? If I never see another fish in my life it'll be too soon.

**Why?**

Well, I happened to have a lab under water once. And-

**Under the sea! Under the sea! It's always better down-Oh...sorry...go ahead...**

Anyway! My circumstances meant that the most available food was seafood! Seafood! Nothing but seafood!

**And with all those fish swimming around the windows, I bet it was quite easy to SEE food, everywhere. **

Really? Really!

**I know, I know...**

Yes well, you are right. All I could see and smell and taste was seafood. So when I got out of that base I decided to never eat seafood again!

**Fish are friends, not food. **

I get the feeling you're not taking this seriously.

**WATER-you talking about? SHORE, I'm taking this SEA-riously. **

Yeah, well here's a joke for you, GET OUTA MY LAB BEFORE I DISECT YOU!

**Someone's being a little shellfish...**

* * *

Loki:

**Wouldn't be nice to see a fanfic where you actually win?**

Indeed, mortal. Which is why I am in the process of writing one about myself!

**Really? What is the plot line?**

Um...Well it begins with an extremely ugly, blond boy with unnecessary muscle mass, and a devilishly handsome, more reasonably sized, young man with long black hair and enchanting green eyes. The blond boy's family is repulsed by his ugliness and always makes fun of him while the handsome one gets to be the prince.

**Hmm, go on...**

It goes on for a while, until one day, the ugly boy starts changing, and he turns into-

**A beautiful swan!**

No! He turns into an even uglier toad and then gets thrown into a well by the handsome brother, who by that time, is the new king!

**Oh.**

So...what do you think?

**Uh...it's definitely unique...Is there a moral?**

Of course! The moral of the story is that Loki should always win and that Thor is a big fat nuisance!

**Right...well you have fun with that...**

Hey! Come back! Where are you going! I have more fanfics to talk about! I command you to turn around mortal!

**SorryLokiGottaGoByeIHaveMorePeopleToInterview!**

* * *

Sam:

**Do you ever have recurring nightmares about albino rabbits? **

I don't know what you're talking about...

**With their big, red eyes and fluffy white bodies...**

Ok Ok! Stop it! Yes I do sometimes have nightmares about rabbits! But you would too if you think about it! I mean, they're basically cats mixed with rodents mixed with kangaroos! That's just wrong!

**And, in this recurring nightmare, do they suffocate you, or claw you, or what?**

Sometimes I'll just be sitting on the couch playing a video game and it'll be all like 'Mr. Face meet Mr. Bunny!' and a deranged bunny just comes in and sits on my face! And I can't even finish the game or you know, breathe! Then I'm like "No bunny! Why! I'm allergic to murder!"

Oh! And sometimes they shoot me with lasers while wearing really familiar eye patches.

**Huh...why are you even afraid of rabbits?**

I don't know, why are people so afraid of heights?

**Because the fear of heights is a real thing. And not everyone can fly.**

Yeah well the fear of rabbits is a real thing too! Leporiphobia! Look it up!

**I will!**

Fine!

**Fine!**

FINE!

**NEXT QUESTION:**

**Sam, will you date me?**

Only if you never mention rabbits or bunnies ever again.

* * *

Deadpool:

**Where** **do your** **weapons come from? You can't hold a cannon in a pouch, I think.**

Ahahahahahaha! That's funny! Can't hold a cannon in a pouch-AHAHAHAHA! Hilarious! Ha! You should be...AHAHA...a comedian! Whoo!

**I was serious...**

OH. I'm sorry, but you couldn't have been serious...unless you were doing it...

**Doing what?**

Doubting the AWESOME EPICOSITY OF MY POUCHES!

**I was just asking.**

You WERE serious! Well let me tell you something Oh-High-Lord-Of-Enforcing-Logic-And-Physics-And-Other-Non-Awesome-Things-That-No-One-Has-Time-For...ANYTHING CAN FIT IN MY POUCHES! It's kinda mah jam!

**Yeah but a CANNON!?**

Um...DUH! Have you ever seen Mary Poppins? Or watched a cartoon? Because in cartoons, you can pull anything out of nowhere, even without pouches or a magic purse. And don't tell me you haven't seen a cartoon because Ultimate Spiderman is a cartoon! (Which I star in, don't let the title fool yah)!

I love being a cartoon! So many more colors!

**Haven't you only been in one episode?**

Legally, yes. But if you have some cash, I could tell you otherwise...

**NEXT QUESTION:**

**How are you, my long lost cousin? Would you like to come over and have some oatmeal?**

Leave me alone Kevin! I already have too many fans! (Even more than Copy-cat, um, I meant Spiderman)!

**But I thought we had something!** **I even legally changed my name to Kevin, for you!**

No Kevin! NO! Don't make me unalive your porridge!

**Oatmeal!**

K-Word, Unaliving, porridge, oatmeal, same thing! Now eat flaming doorknobs of death!

**Why do you have a -OW- gun that shoots -EEK! MY HIP- flaming -HELP- Doorknobs?**

You like it? I got it at a thrift store!

**NEXT QUESTION:**

**What's your real origin story?**

OOH! ORIGIN STORY TIME! YEAH!

Ahem! There once was a wise monk dude that sat on top of a totally kick-butt hill/mountain thingy. This monk was the master of all things awesome and handsome! He was like, all fat and humble with a robe, OH WAIT! No, he was completely ripped with no shirt and um...AND SUNGLASSES!

**Really?**

Heck yeah he was! And one day, he decided to train me, after I was done unaliving the ninjas that took my mamma. But I was like, "I'm already more handsome than you. I don't want your training!" He was going to challenge me, I could feel it.

He drew his swords, and I drew mine. We narrowed our eyes, a clock struck high noon, a tumbleweed rolled by in a perfect, majestic spiral of rainbow-eating unicorns with rabies and also manliness. But before I could shove my epic moves down his face...he saw them. Mah cool pouches of cool coolness. He bowed down before me, and I knew I had won!

**Cool!**

Yeah, I kinda hold the title of Master of All Things Awesome now!

**So what was the monk's name?**

Uh...A GOOD ORIGIN STORY DOESN'T NEED NAMES!

**NEXT QUESTION:**

**How do you feel about unaliving people?**

It's great! But only if the person deserves it, or if someone is payn' lots and lots of money!

**But do you ever _feel_ bad?**

Feel? Did you just insult me? Hang on, I'm gonna go Google this. Ok let's see. 'To be aware of, or to experience.' OH! Of course I feel! I totally am aware of unaliving people, of sleeping them with the fishes, of k-wording them! Unless I'm sleep fighting...

And of course I feel bad, that's the point! Girls like bad boys!

**No, but do you actually feel upset over it?**

Hey! Do you want to fantasy fight me, or help me find Agent Magoffin? Anything that doesn't involve creepy crawly _feelings?_ I know! Let's go skydiving! I know a guy that'll let us do it for free...but then again, most guys will let you do things for free when you hold a sword to their neck...

**Fine, no one will ask any more questions, this chapter is getting long anyways...But I'm not going skydiving.**

Oh goodie! I have a question too! This goes out to all the people reading this! DID YOU ENJOY THIS CHAPTER? If so, REVIEW! Otherwise, you might as well ust forget these pointy sticks I'm holding are swords and jump right on!

**Yeah, Ok Deadpool. That's enough.**

Enough is for people that are too wimpy to want more!

**Yeah...sure...**

* * *

**Well guys, like Deadpool said, please review! Hope you all enjoyed and thanks to IronFistRocks and Nova'sGirl for leaving questions for me. You to are awesome! Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	21. I Don't Wanna Talk About It

**I was looking through some old comincs I wrote a few years ago and decided to steal my own idea! Enjoy! And don't forget to review. Since all you awesome people reviewed last chapter, I will reply!**

**Reviewers:**

**Neyite: Deadpool would like me to tell you - HEY! I SAID I WANTED TO SPEAK TO YOUR REVIEWERS! SORRY BUT I CAN TALK FOR MY SELF! Hey this is Deadpool but you can just call me awesome. I'll respond. Anyway, what the writer was about to say was that you totally already posted a review otherwise I wouldn't be replying to you! Unless I am from the past before you posted that review. Or like an alternate timeline! GASP! WHAT DOES IT MEAN!?**

**Nova'sGirl: Yup, this is Deadpool speaking. I decided to get a job replying to reviews, then I quit that job, but I'm still doing it to make the writer mad! Also, Horn-Head (Loki) said something about being super happy and stuff that someone wants to read his fanfic. Sam said something like "Hey I don't have issues!" but I was distracted by that pointy starfish on his face. And I think I do have more fans! You're just jealous 'cause you can't pull a doorknob gun out of a pouch! And I'm tellin' Starfish kid what you said!**

**IronFistRocks: Ahahaha! Thanks! Now if you could just tell Fury that for me...**

**TearDrop: The writer said "thanks for reviewing and I hope you continue doing so!" I (Deadpool) say that you should get a Spidey Wuvs Deadpool t-shirt for liking my part in the chapter! I just need you to sign a few wavers first.**

**Deadpoolisnotrespponsibleifyourproductcontainsanyexplosivesorflamingdoorknobseventhoughthosethingstotallyrock!**

**LimitedtimeonlybecauseIdon'thaveSpidey'spermission, resultsmayvary, maycauseblindnessduetoexposuretoawesomness!**

**Liv Lokigirl: I and the writer agree about Sam! Funny right? And no, the writer has not read Loki Agent of Asgard, but has looked it up and now the writer can't wait to read it. Also your suggestion is pending! While you wait please enjoy this totally non-blowey-uppy cup of Power Coffee! sponsored by Doctor Doom!**

**A/N Ugh! I hate when Deadpool takes over my review section! He makes them so long!**

* * *

**Chapter 21: 100 likes!**

Spiderman was swinging through the city waiting for something to go wrong. Nothing. Today there was nothing happening. Spidey grinned. Maybe he would just have to _make_ something happen.

Spidey laughed. This was going to be fun.

* * *

Taskmaster was taking a shower with his favorite rubber duck, Destructo.

"La, la, la, la! Singing in the shower!" He turned off the water and draped his towel around his body.

"Dancing in the mirror!" He put on his lucky underwear and his armor, finishing off the look with his white hood. He paused to look in the mirror.

"Looking good Tasky! If looks could kill, you'd dominate the world in seconds!" He grinned under his mask.

"TASKY-POOOOOOO!" His wife shouted. Tasky groaned. Can't a villain take a forty minute shower in peace!

"WHADDAYA WANT WOMAN!" He yelled back.

"MAIL'S HERE!" She screamed. Tasky sighed, and walked out of the bathroom.

"Here!" The Taskmistress of the house shoved an envelope into Taskmaster's chest. "Well, I'm going out," She said. "Oh, and Tasky dear?"

"Yes honey?"

"Call me woman again and I'll rip out your eyes with a fork! Bye love! See you soon!" She planted a kiss on his masked lips and strolled out of the house. Tasky whistled. His woman sure had a way with words. Anyway, Taskmaster opened the letter.

**Dear Taskmaster,**

**Congratulations! You have just won an exclusive, all-day trip to the New York Spa! Come ready to rest and relax as our staff gives you soothing foot baths and massages and stuff! And it's all free! You just have to get here by 12:00 on the dot!**

**-New York Spa**

Taskmaster swiveled his head around to look at the clock. 11:50.

"Go, go, go!" He yelled, grabbing his phone off a counter and running out the door.

* * *

"I'm here! I'm here! And it's exactly 11:59!" Tasky burst through the Spa door.

"Oh hi! You must be here for the 12:00 treatment right?" A lady at the desk said. Tasky nodded, out of breath.

"Ok then lets see here. Your scheduled for, Olga," She smiled. Taskmaster cocked his head. Olga?

"Hey! Bring Olga in here!" The lady shouted towards the back door. After a second a tall, slender lady with long, wavy red hair and large green eyes sashayed in. She wore a loose white tank top and some short red shorts. She wasn't wearing any shoes.

"_That's _Olga!" Tasky whispered, eyes growing wide. He went to wipe the drool off his face before realizing he was wearing a mask.

"What, oh no dear," The red head laughed. "I'm Daphne, Olga's handler!"

"Olga's what?" Tasky asked. Before Daphne coud answer, a huge thumping was heard. The thumping became louder until a mountain squeezed it's bulk through the door. The mountain, as it turned out, was actually a mountainous woman. Her swollen face was red and she had small piggy eyes and a fat purplish nose. She had a strict looking bun on her head and her chin swallowed her neck. But her body wasn't fat. It was totally ripped.

She had abs on top of abs and her calves were the size of Taskmaster's head. Her triceps bulged and flexed and her chest looked rock solid. Even her fingers and toes looked like they could kick butt.

"Olga used to be a body builder, she's very proud of it," Daphne smiled. Taskmaster gulped.

"I am Olga. I vill massage you now!" Olga bent down and grabbed Taskmaster around his waist, hoisting him up on her shoulder like a baby and carried him through the back door. Tasky retched. Olga was sweaty and moist and veins popped out everywhere.

They stopped at a long, stone table and Olga dumped Tasky on it unceremoniously.

"Oomph!" He grunted.

"You lie on tummy now!" Olga commanded. Tasky complied.

"Now vee start!" Olga brought down a meaty fist and started pounding on Taskmaster's back.

"Aaaah, how about we do something else ok?" He reasoned. Olga lowered her face next to his, her breath hot like a bull.

"You vill be patient! Olga do this Olga's vay!" She boomed. Then she continued pounding on Tasky's back with a sickening crunch. Next she cracked her knuckles and started rubbing his back. Hard.

"Ol-Olga, I think you're rearranging my spine!" Taskmaster shouted.

"Grow some tougher skin then! Sop whining!" Olga growled. she dropped her hands on his shoulders. Taskmaster swore each hand weighed about 5 pounds. She pulled his shoulders back. Another crunch.

"Oopsies," She muttered.

"What do you- AH!- mean? Gah! Oopsies?" Taskmaster roared.

"Nothing. Everything is ok. You should have warned Olga that yer bones break so easily!" She murmured.

"What!"

"Nothing!" Olga raised an arm the size of a small car and flexed it. Then she jumped and brought it down onto Taskmaster in a body-slam fashion. The table collapsed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Taskmaster screeched.

"There. All veelaxed. Now vee start actual massage!" Olga smiled.

"No! NO! You, are the craziest person I have ever met! Don't come near me! I'm leaving!" Taskmaster pushed against the floor, bones cracking.

"A little help here?" He said. Olga hauled him up.

"Now I'm leaving!" He repeated, before carefully toddling out. Step crunch, step crunch, step crunch, step crack crunch. He groaned all the way home.

* * *

"Tasky-Poo why are you walking like you have a wedgie?" His wife asked when he got home.

"I don't want to talk about it," He muttered, lowering himself on the couch with the slow precision of a ninety year old.

"But, I totally do!" Spiderman whispered to himself as he watched through the windows. Already he was taking out his phone and opening every social media account he owned.

Already, his pranking Taskmaster video had almost 100 likes!

* * *

**All I have to say is that Deadpool is safe in his time out chair wearing his favorite white jacket! Even though it's slightly...restraining. Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	22. World's Best Daddy Ever!

**Hey guys I decided to let Deadpool out of his time out chair to make room for someone else! I kind of lost him though after he tied me up and face painted me to look like his mask. Right now he's probably at a yard sale finding materials for his new weapons. Or he could be right behind you!**

**Also let me know if you guys want me to do these replies every chapter.**

**Reviewers:**

**Neyite: Yeah...Deadpool isn't here anymore, whoops. Also I've been meaning to watch the new Daredevil series on Netflix, is it any good?**

**I'm a Jesus Freak: That's true, I definitely think Deadpool and Spidey would be a good team, but I don't know if the world is quite ready to handle that. Sadly, Deadpool likes his jacket the way it is, so I can't make it any looser. Besides he says that all of his smiling friends in the stylish white coats say that he really shouldn't loosen it.**

**Nova'sGirl: Sorry, they're custom made, not available in stores. So you'll just have to ask Deadpool really nicely and with a lot of money to let you try it on!**

**Guest: Sorry if I'm wrong, but are you liv lokigirl? Either way, you're right, Olga scares a lot of people! And I'll definitely make sure to recommend both those things to Taskmaster!**

* * *

**Chapter 22: Where's the mountain?**

Electro was walking to his son's kindergarten. The kids were having a little movie marathon and the parents were invited. He hummed as he walked, wearing his best clothes. When he arrived in the classroom, about 15 kids were huddled on the carpet waiting for the movie to start. Electro went and sat by his son, who wasn't very hard to spot considering he was the only bright blue kid with sparks coming off him. His name was Eric Electric.

"Hi daddy!" Eric squealed. Electro patted his head, then shushed him. The movie was starting.

"Hola! Soy Dora!" The large TV screen filled with the disgustingly perky little girl and her pet/partner, Boots. Electro sighed. He had hoped it would be something better.

"Today we have to deliver these muffins to our friends Red Riding Hood, and her abuela! Do you know what abuela means?"

All the kids started shouting. The screamed things like _mommy, uncle, sister! _Electro groaned.

"It means grandma! Grandma!" He announced. The kids turned to look at him.

"How would you know!" A little boy with a Thomas the Tank shirt cried.

"Yeah! You're not Dora!" Another boy with a chubby face backed him up.

"Fine, lets see what Dora says," Electro said. Just as he finished his sentence, Dora spoke up.

"That's right! An abuela is a grandma!" The kids all cheered. Suddenly, sneaky music started playing. The kids gasped.

"Dora, can you hear that?" Boots asked. Electro rolled is eyes.

"Because monkeys can totally talk," He muttered. The teacher shushed him. On screen, a bush moved.

"What was that?" Dora asked the audience. The bush moved closer.

"It feels like something is following us!" Boots said in fear. Electro glared at the characters.

"The bush is moving! How do they not see the bush moving! And they say this show is educational!" He threw his hands up. The whole class shushed him.

"Look out Dora!" Boots yelled as an orange fox jumped out of the bush and stole Dora's muffins.

"Great! Freaking great Dora!" Electro glared.

"Swiper no Swiper!" Dora chanted.

"No, I don't want my kid learning this stuff! I mean come on! Words don't work like that! Whenever I try to rob a bank or something the cops don't come over and say _oh hey, you shouldn't steal that because it makes people feel bad so if you could just release the hostages we'll give you a donut and you can be our friend! _NO! Never happens! And if it did I would be all like _no way dude! I don't care if people feel bad! _And then BANG! I'd punch that old cop in the face!" Electro ranted.

"Mr. Electro! That is not the kind of example we set for our students! Words are powerful, they can solve any problem where violence cannot! The pen is stronger than the sword!" The teacher said.

"No they can't! And whoever said that, has never been stabbed! Because I would much rather have a pen jabbed into my arm than a sword!" Electro said.

"That's it! Go sit in the time out chair!"

"What? No! I am a grow man, you can't make me sit in the-" Electro started.

"GO SIT IN THE CHAIR!"

"I'll go sit in the chair," He muttered. Meanwhile, Dora was ranting about finding her muffins.

"To get to the muffins, we have to cross the snowy mountain! Can you help me find the mountain?" She asked.

"It's behind her," Electro grumbled.

"Where is the mountain?"

"Behind her."

"So where is the mountain?"

"Gosh dang it Dora! It's behind you!"

"Can you help me find the mount-" Dora cut off and the screen went blank as sparks erupted from the screen. Everyone looked to Electro.

"No more! No freaking more! Come on kids, I'll take you to my place and we can watch The Hunger Games and play GTA! I'll even show you how to crash motorcycles without a helmet! COME ON!" Electro shouted. The kids cheered and all rushed out the door, stopping at the street.

"What are you doing! You don't need to look both ways before you cross the street! GO GO GO!" He yelled. The kids ran across the street, causing cars and trucks to swerve off the road.

"YAY! Your the best daddy!" Eric said as he ran.

"I know son," Electro smiled.

"Hey Ms. Snob!" He yelled at the teacher, "See if you know this word in Spanish! Kiss my culo!" He laughed as he ran across traffic with the kindergarteners.

* * *

**Come on, what little kid can turn down crashing motorcycles? If Dora was older and more observant and turned down her perkiness, she would be a lot better! Also if she could fight, and have cool chi-powered fists, and was a teenage boy with blond hair and green eyes named Danny. But that's just me! Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	23. AAAWWW!

**Ok so here is my schedule for the next updates.**

**Next chapter I will be using liv lokigirl's suggestion.**

**Next, next chapter I will use Nova'sGirl's suggestion. Meaning it will be a Sam chapter.**

**So that's how it will be! Hope you guys enjoy and yes, it does contain Deadpool.**

**Reviewers:**

**Sabretooth67: Thanks!**

**svg200: Awesome, glad you enjoyed and I hope you continue doing so!**

**liv lokigirl: I know right! I think when the creators of Dora were thinking about making the show, they were thinking of as many ways as possible to induce hysterical wall punching! Also, cool idea!**

**I'm a Jesus Freak: In the words of a triangular headed genius: 'Yes, yes it is.'**

**Nova'sGirl: I know right! And yeah, I was trying to think of the worst kid show ever, and I remembered the Dora vine. And yay! Danny is awesome! But I also really like Sam, so I will make a chapter about him.**

* * *

**Chapter 23: Too Pretty**

Deadpool was leaping over rooftops like some deranged black and red cat. He giggled because he just pictured a mini, chibi Deadpool, with kitty ears and a tail, shooting lasers at everybody.

**Aw! I am such a cute kitten! Who's a good kitty? I'm a good kitty! Who's a good- OH! Hiii! I was just complementing my fantasy self! OH! Would you like me to make you a fantasy self? Ok, ok! Ready? Imagine yourself really small with a big head (Basically picture yourself as Nova! Ahahaha)! Then put kitty ears on yourself and a laser gun! Aren't you much cuter now? Your welcome!  
**

Anyway, Deadpool continued talking to the mythical, cosmic camera of dreams that only he and Spidey can see, while running across rooftops. He fell and landed in a balcony of some random lady. He peaked inside and saw a baby sleeping in a crib. The lady was asleep on a couch next to it, wearing heavy duty headphones.

Deadpool snuck in and looked at the baby.

**OOH! What is it? It's all fat and squishy looking. It reminds me of those weird dogs that always look like they're worried about something. What are those called...uggs? Bugs? Tugs? Wait! Pugs!**

Deadpool poked the baby's face and recoiled at the way his finger literally _sank_ into the baby's cheek. The baby giggled. It opened its eyes and grabbed the mercenary's finger with its tiny hand. Deadpool's eyes widened.

**Ew! Why is it making me all warm and furry inside? I feel like I swallowed a hamster! Which I've done before, but that's another story...**

It was then that Deadpool knew exactly how to make some extreme cash. By world domination. And he already had a plan.

* * *

Deadpool walked around with a weird flute in his hands. He played it and swayed with the music. One by one, babies started crawling out of houses and parachuting down from windows, where they all crawled and toddled behind Deadpool.

**You like it? It's a baby flute! Yeah, I got it from my friend Piper! I don't recommend going to his place for dinner though, he has a thing with rats.**

As they walked down the streets several onlookers called the police, but when they showed up, they could do nothing against the overpowering cuteness of the baby army. One officer took a step forward and a child looked up at him with enormous eyes, drooling a little. The officer dropped to his knees.

"Aw!" He uttered.

"That's right police dudes! You can't fight the hamster swallow-y feelings!" Deadpool announced.

"Alright Deadpool drop the...babies?" Spiderman and his team showed up, more confused than ever.

"Sweet Christmas! I should not have had that pizza before bed," Luke started. "You guys see this too right?"

"It appears Deadpool is using a form of child labor..." Danny mused.

"Wait wait wait, WAIT! Time out! Are you actually using babies?" Peter asked Deadpool. Deadpool looked at him like it was obvious.

**Wait, did he really just ask me that? Of course I'm using babies! At least I think that's what these little monsters are...**

"Um, DUH?" He said casually.

"Ok. Cool. Just wanted to clear things up. Just one more thing. BABIES?!" Peter snapped.

"Whoa, don't get your webs in a twist Spiderman! These babies are trained soldiers! seasoned veterans! Cut-throat sleep-with-the-fishers!" Deadpool said. One baby burped, and the others giggled.

"Uh huh..." Ava raised an eyebrow under her mask. Deadpool glared.

"Fine, I'll show you! Attack!" He commanded. A little boy audibly pooped. Deadpool face-palmed.

"One sec," He said, making his way over to the boy and changing his diaper. Then he flung the dirty diaper at Peter.

"Hey!" Peter tossed it to Ava. She made a sound hallway between a squeal and a grunt before hitting it at Danny. Danny sidestepped and it hit Luke.

"Not cool! Not cool!" Luke screamed girlishly and threw it up at Nova.

"Can't see!" Nova sped up and crazily flew around, trying to dislodge the diaper. He crashed into the ground.

"Ahahaha! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Deadpool laughed.

**There was...a diaper...on his face! AAAAHAHAHAHA!**

"You guys are hilarious! Tell you what, I'll leave if you reenact that and let me record it!"

"What? NO!" Peter said.

"Pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaassssse! I fan! Come on, the camera loves yah!" Deadpool coaxed.

"Ugh...Only once!"

"YAY! Thanks Spiderman! Alright people, places! Take one!"

* * *

"Take seven hundred fifty four!" Deadpool giggled.

"Oh no...a diaper. What are we going to do! Oh no," Luke droned.

"Oh come on! You can do better than that! Besides, I wasn't recording. From the top!"

"This is the seven hundredth time you forgot to record or your phone died or you had to have a potty break! This is the last time!" Ava screamed.

"Ooh! Yeah, give me some of that crazy cat lady action! ACTION!" Deadpool yelled.

The team went through the scene once more until Deadpool started laughing uncontrollably.

"What are you laughing at!" Danny growled, surprising everyone.

"I can't believe...AHAHA! You actually fell...for it! AHAHAHA! I had the whole thing recorded since take one!"

The team stared at him. Then they looked at each other, and back at Deadpool. Slowly, smiles spread across their faces.

**Uhh...Why are they looking at me like that? You guys see this right? *Gulp***

"You guys aren't mad are you?" Deadpool chuckled nervously.

"Whaaaat? Why would we be mad Deadpool? We're not mad!" Peter said through gritted teeth, his voice getting higher with every word. Luke began pounding his fist into his palm. Danny and Sam's fists lit up and Ava's claws unsheathed.

Deadpool ran.

"AAAAHHHHHHH! I'M TOO PRETTY TO BE UN-ALIIIIIVED!"

* * *

**So this basically happened because I woke up one day and I realized that if the Army trained babies as soldiers, we would literally be unstoppable. I mean come on, who can nuke a cute little baby in an army suit? NO ONE! Thanks for reading guys! Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	24. Another Deadpool Chapter! Yay!

**Thanks to liv lokigirl for the suggestion! This is a shorter chapter. **

**Reviewers:**

**Nova'sGirl: My philosophy is that children are adorable until they learn how to walk and talk! Especially talk. But I'm glad you liked the chapter anyway!**

**I'm a Jesus Freak: Haha! I know right! Glad you liked the reactions and stuff! Because seriously, what do you do when you see a baby army patrolling the streets?! You either question your sanity, or bow down to the babies.**

**IronFistRocks: Of course babies don't follow instructions! That's why Deadpool had a flute! :) Also, I like babies because I have never had to change a diaper! But when they learn how to talk I can't stand them! It's like a tiger or something. It's all majestic and fuzzy and soft as a little tiger cub, but it's a lot less cute when it grows up and wants to eat your face! Also, you could probably use that quote anytime, just be prepared for some weird stares.**

**liv lokigirl: Wow, cool. I love cats! And thanks! I love writing this story and I'm happy you like it!**

* * *

**Chapter 24: Warning: Hamsters Should Not Fly**

"So...what brings you here?" Deadpool asked Doctor Doom, who was lying on a therapist couch. Yup! Deadpool was playing therapist. And with all these messed up villains around, he was going to be rich!

"I...Sometimes I wonder what the point of it all is? You know? Why am I here? Was I really meant to take over the world? Is there a world? What if we are all reflections of someone's image? Figments of someone's imagination and dreams? What if that someone wakes up! Then what? Maybe we're all already dead! And when we die we will live! WHAT IF!"

"Are you talking to yourself or do you see the little yellow boxes too?" Deadpool asked. Doctor Doom stopped.

"What?"

"Oh, sorry. I use humor to deflect my insecurities. Plus. I'm hilarious! so don't hate!"

"This is about me!"

"Oh yeah! Man, I am so distracting! My looks are my curse and my blessing," Deadpool mused.

"Anyway...I am here because my girlfriend, the directress of SWORD, dumped me! ME!" Doc Doom ranted.

"You know that she can't dump you if you weren't ever her boyfriend?"

"But...but...I thought we had something! Every morning I would come to her house and leave beautiful, state of the art doomsday devices at her door! Then I would call her every 4.8888888888881 minutes! Just to check on her! That is considerate! And even after she changed her number, I still found it and called it!."

"Man. You're super messed up!"

"No I'm not! And after ALL THAT! She dumped me! She got a restraining order! I can't go anywhere now if she's there!"

"I know how that is! You have any idea how hard it is to find a joint that'll serve a guy in a mask and bandolier? They won't even let me into Taco Bell!"

"Huh...I never thought of it like that..."

"OOH! Now lets play that game that therapists play, where we tell each other emotional childhood stories!"

"Okay?"

ME FIRST! Okay, so my dad told me that when I was four I walked into a bar all by myself and ordered some water! Only I don't believe him 'cause if I had walked into a bar, I woulda ordered A LOT more than a water!"

"Um, sure. When I was little-"

"OH! And there was the time when I got my first pet! I really wanted something that could fly! Like a bird, or a killer hornet, or an exploding Pegasus! But then I got a friggin' hamster! A HAMSTER! So I decided to teach it how to fly! I taped some old Barbie-mariposa wings on to it that I had gotten from my-I mean...my sister's old Barbie. Then I went up to the roof and threw it into the air! It was beautiful! My hamster was flying like a hawk! For about two seconds before an actual hawk swooped down and ate it..."

"Oh. That's terrible."

"I know right! Will power is totally overrated. I mean, come on! Just because some dude named Will added power to his name doesn't mean it's a real thing!"

"Right..."

"HEY! What's going on in here!" A man in an official looking uniform barged in. He looked at Deadpool. "I don't think you're a real therapist!"

"This guy's a total genius. Right away he sees a guy with a mask and several guns and figures out he's probably not a real therapist," Deadpool deadpanned. The man came up and grabbed Deadpool.

"Hey if you don't let go, I'll lick your hand!"

"No way punk! I'm gonna put a stop to this shenanigans!"

"Shenanigans? did you just cuss me out in Irish?"

"What-NO!"

"Oh, okay! Just checking too see if you should be un-alived! Biiiiiiii-eeeeeeee!" Deadpool shouted as he easily freed himself and jumped out of a window.

* * *

**So this chapter has a lot of direct quotes from the Deadpool comics! About four or five. But yeah, thanks for reviewing and I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	25. No Strings Attatched

**Hey guys, first off, thanks for the load of reviews! This is a little bit of a different chapter because it doesn't have a villain. Unless you count JJJ. This won't happen too often, so yeah. **

**Reviewers:**

**Nova'sGirl: I like your idea and I think you're right. But I don't want to do the same sort of chapter two times in a row. So you might have to wait a few chapters for that.**

**I'm a Jesus Freak: Glad you liked the chapter and I went back and fixed my mistake. Also, I'm sorry you didn't think it was as funny as the other ones. I was trying to experiment with cannon Deadpool quotes in comparison to making stuff up. But next time I'll definitely stick to my own style.**

**IronFistRocks: Haha! That's awesome! Gotta love Walmart! And I don't think the world is ready for Deadpool to be a pharmacist. XD**

**liv lokigirl: Glad you enjoyed. And yes, I saw the trailer! It was super epic! Especially the 'Trevor I'm pregnant' part! **

**Winter Lover: Cool idea. I'd forgotten about Loki being a frost giant until you brought that up! I'll try to put it in! Thanks for reviewing.**

**Kingdom Hearts: I like that. Especially since Loki has experience serving food! (Run Pig Run!)**

**MagicRocks: I might try to merge that with Winter Lover's idea. Thanks for reviewing!**

* * *

**Chapter 25: Unbelievable! **

"Hey Sam?" Luke asked the shorter boy.

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing?" Luke was reclined on a couch while Sam was sprawled on the carpet. He was surrounded by papers and crayons. The team was still in Aunt May's house.

"I am going to be rich!" Sam exclaimed.

"Uh-huh. How you gonna do that?"

"Dude! We're superheroes! And what do all the best superheroes have in common?"

"Uh...costumes?"

"NOPE!"

"Powers?"

"Come on man! Batman?"

"Oh yeah. I dunno Bucket Head. What do they have in common?"

"COMIC BOOKS!" Sam yelled. There was a thump as Peter flew down the stairs. He landed at the bottom breathlessly.

"Did you guys say comic books? Did Bucket Head steal mine?" He puffed. Luke looked back and forth between the two teenagers.

"You guys are pathetic," He smirked.

"Don't get your webs in twist, Parker. I didn't steal anything. But your comics did give me an idea!" Sam smiled.

"Uh-oh," Peter groaned. Just then Danny walked in, unnoticed.

"Hello friends," He said calmly. Peter jumped to the ceiling and Sam found himself in Luke's arms.

"May I ask what you are doing?"

"Well I was about tell you guys! Until you crept in!" Sam fumed, hastily jumping out of Luke's embrace.

"What's to talk about? You were just fan-boying over comic books," Ava chuckled, sauntering in.

"Great, anyone else want to join us? Really, I'm just waiting for Fury to fly in. Or Hulk to smash his way inside!" Sam muttered sardonically.

"Alright Nova, go ahead," Luke said patronizingly.

"I am going to publish the first ever Nova comics! I'm calling them Nova, the Human Rocket! And they're gonna have the Guardians of the Galaxy and my family and a villain named Terrax the Tamer!"

Everyone looked at him. They grinned. Then started laughing.

"Hey!"

"Dude! That's hilarious!" Peter snorted.

"I'm serious!"

"Seriously out of your league!" Ava commented.

"What's wrong with it?"

"It's just not believable," Danny stated.

"Wha-What do you mean not believable! I've told you guys these stories a billion times! They're all true! And don't even get me started on believability 'Mr. I defeated a dragon by punching it in the face with my bare hands!" Sam exploded.

"I did," Danny said simply.

"And I fought Terrax!"

"Okay Sam. If you really think this'll work, why don't you ask the Daily Bugle to publish a sneak peak?" Peter challenged.

"I will!" Sam growled. He opened the door and stalked out. _I'll show them believability. _

* * *

"Sorry son, it's just not belivable," J. Jonah. Jameson said after reading through Sam's comic.

"Seriously!" Sam huffed.

"That Nova vigilante is no more than a flashy fire hazard! And what kind of a name is Terrax? He should be named John. Much more respectable," Jonah added.

"John! What kind of a super villain from space is named John!"

"A good one, that's what! Now get out of my office!" He yelled.

"Uh...wait! I can prove it's believable! I happen to have a friend who's cousin's sister knows Nova personally! I'll just go find him and he'll tell you its true!" Sam blurted. He ran out of the office and waited ten minutes. Then he flew in as Nova.

"What are you doing here!" Jonah fumed.

"I am Nova! And I'm here to tell you that Sam Alexander's comic is totally legit!"

"You're not the real Nova!"

"Oh yeah?" Sam flew around the office at sonic speed.

"I can see the strings!"

"What!? There's no strings!"

"Look kid, even if I didn't know there were strings there, your costume is terrible! Seriously, did you get it at a gas station?"

"This is the real thing! Watch this!" Sam blasted a hole through the wall.

"That's just a cheap hologram!" Jonah scoffed. He went to prove his theory by ramming into the hole.

"See, just a WAAAAALLLLLLLLL!" He fell. Nova sighed and flew down to catch the screaming man.

"This proves nothing!" JJJ yelled.

"I am this close to blasting off your mustache!" Sam threatened. He flew back into the office, set JJJ down, and left.

On his way home, something furry and large smashed into his face. Nova screamed. _BUNNY!_ He flew into the ground and flung the thing off his face. It was a raccoon. With a track suit. And a rocket launcher.

"Kid! Were you about to sell off all the secrets of the Nova Corp!" The raccoon asked. Nova scoffed.

"I know you're not the real Rocket, little boy," Sam said. The raccoon stared.

"What other raccoon do you know that can TALK!"

"Look kid, I appreciate you dressing up, but I'm not giving out autographs right now. Cool Nerf gun though," Sam grumbled.

"Are you serious! Is your helmet on too tight!"

"It's just not a believable costume. Later," Sam said as he flew off. Rocket Raccoon face-palmed. _He's not serious. Is he serious?_

Sam zoomed above New York, and smirked.

* * *

**I'll let you guys decide what Sam was thinking at this moment! Hope you all enjoyed! Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	26. Can you Even?

**This chapter is a mixup of ideas. Partially MagicRocks' idea, partially Winter Lover's idea, and partially that one episode of A.N.T Farm where Fletcher goes to the outback. Speaking of which, this is in no way meant to offend Australians!**

**Reviewers:**

**Nova'sGirl: Nice. I think he was thinking both. **

**I'm a Jesus Freak: Thanks! And I'm glad you liked the ending.**

**ArtemisBAAMF1218: In case you haven't seen, I did make your idea into a one shot called 'Who Knew Hard Work Was So Hard?' Thanks for both ideas and I loved them! Also, thanks for reading and reviewing! And no, you're not a bad reviewer! Also, I'm glad you liked Shut up Danny, and the newest Deadpool one! I love it when people tell me their favorite chapters!**

**IronFistRocks: Haha! Yeah, I hadn't noticed that until you brought it up, but I guess you're right! Good point.**

* * *

**Chapter 26: Is This Real Life?**

"Remind me why we're here?" Mesmero fumed. He, Doctor Doom and Loki were in the middle of complete nowhere. All they could see was red sand dunes and dying shrubs.

"Fury sent us here as disciplinary training! Here of all places! Freaking Australia!" Doctor Doom growled.

"Yeah! Everything tries to kill you in Australia!" Loki muttered. Yup, they were in the outback. AKA, nowhere. Annoyed at the 100 degree heat, (Fahrenheit) the villains began walking. And walking. And walking.

"THIS IS RIDICULOUS!" Loki yelled. "Fury might have given me these gloves, but I can still do a few party tricks!" He gestured to the metal gloves he wore that kept him from using enough magic to escape. He concentrated and made three slushies appear out of thin air. Mesmero's eyes almost popped out of his head.

The villains rushed the sugary drinks and chugged. At once, Mesmero dropped to the ground and started writhing in pain. Doctor Doom yelped and tried to ram his head into the sand. Loki stared at them.

"What the blazes are you two imbeciles doing?" He asked haughtily.

"BRAIN FREEZE!" They yelled at the same time.

"What?"

"IT HURTS! SO BAD!" Doc Doom moaned in agony.

"Why don't you have one!" Mesmero scowled. Loki shrugged.

"I'm a frost giant. My brain's been _frozen_ since I was born," Loki smirked. Doc Doom and Mesmero looked at each other, then they simultaneously threw their drinks into Loki's face.

Loki opened his mouth to retaliate but froze in place. Pun intended.

"Don't move," He mouthed. Doc Doom turned to look behind him and Mesmero, and his eyes widened in horror. A very large, very intense looking bird was staring at them. He subtly kicked Mesmero and the creepy villain tried to hypnotize the bird.

"SKRREEEEAAAWK!" The emu screeched.

"RUN!" Mesmero turned and sprinted away. The others followed.

They ran and eventually the emu lost interest. Now there was only one problem.

"Look! Those kangaroos are gathered around a water hole! WATER!" Doc Doom rejoiced. Loki examined them.

"Hmm...maybe if we lure them away somehow..."

"I know!" Doc Doom said. "Loki, make us a giant lady kangaroo puppet!"

"Are you serious?" Loki asked incredulously. Doc Doom nodded. Loki made the costume and he and Mesmero got inside of it.

"Good, now lure ladies, lure! Doc Doom encouraged.

"HELOOO! Um, hi big boys!" Loki crooned in a feminine tone. "Who wants to give me a big fat hug! ME! A very believable lady in need of a male!"

A few larger kangaroos came over and started licking the costume's face. One tried to lock tails with it and accidently ripped it off.

"Oh dear..." Loki muttered as the kangaroos realized they'd been tricked and started kicking and punching the costume. The villains found themselves running once again.

"I hate Australia! I hate it!" Doc Doom cried shrilly. He felt a tickle on his back and giggled.

"Guys stop it! Hehe! That tickles! Come on! Hehehe!" He chuckled. The other to stared at him like he had a second head.

"That's not us..."

"Then what is...AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" A very large, yellow spider was crawling across his chest. "GETITOFFGETITOFFGETIITOFF!" Doctor Doom jumped a few feet in the air and started scratching and panting. The others backed away.

"OW! It bit me! I'm dying! It bit me! GET IT OFF!" He shrieked. Finally he flung the arachnid off and recoiled at the sight of it scampering away. He looked at the place where his fellow convicts had been, and gaped. In the place of Loki and Mesmero, were a giant Mcnugget and a giant banana.

"What did you do with my friends?" He asked. Then a giant kaleidoscope colored Zebra skateboarded into the scene.

"Hey man. Make peace man. Not war. Love dude, is the key of harmony and stuff. You dig?" It said with a calm voice not unlike Iron Fist's.

"What!"

"Like, nothing man. Your just going crazy and stuff man. Like, totally psychedelic. Need some groovy water man. And a shower."

"Oh okay. That makes sense. What do you wanna do?"

"Let's frolic like ducks riding dolphins through a sunset, man."

"YAY!" Doc Doom cheered. "But first, I'm hungry."

Meanwhile, Loki and Mesmero watched as Doctor D started licking Loki's arm.

"Come here 'nana," He slurred.

"This is weird," Mesmero said.

"But still not the weirdest thing that's happened to me," Loki pulled his arm away.

"You know, have you ever felt like someone was controlling our lives, making stupid stuff happen to us?" Mesmero mused.

"That's stupid, it's not like our lives are a fanfic or anything," Loki laughed. "Speaking of which, have you read my fanfic?"

"No. When someone has fifteen chapters and zero reviews, that tells you something..."

"Hmm! Delicious," Doc Doom tried to stretch his mouth over Loki's head.

"Yes well, I'm a misunderstood artist." Loki huffed, moving out of the way of Doc D. "AND WILL YOU STOP TRYING TO EAT ME?!"

"I want my 'nana!"

"What you talking about?"

"G'day mate, wanna go grill some 'roos on the barbie?"

"What the-"

"Ausie, Ausie, Ausie! Oi, Oi, Oi!" DD laughed maniacally. Loki sighed.

"I literally can't even."

* * *

**Okay, so I have a few announcements.**

**First off, to all my fans of the USM team having embarrassing moments, please go check out my One-Shot, curtesy of ArtemisBAAMF1218's awesome idea! It's called 'Who Knew Hard Work Was So Hard?' **

**It's about each team member getting a stupidly mundane job and lets just say it doesn't end well. Trust me, if you like this story, you'll most likely like that one too.****Secondly, we're nearing 100 reviews! I was wondering if you guys wanted me to another Q&amp;A or something else. I currently don't have anything in mind so PLEASE put some ideas in your reviews! It would help me massively! Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	27. Beware The Librarian!

**Sorry this is short and also quite late. I was super busy today. In fact, I barely had time to edit this, so if you find a mistake, please tell me! This is Nova'sGirl Idea! Hope you guys enjoy!**

**Reviewers:**

**Nova'sGirl: That could be cool. I guess it'll be up to votes. Here is your chapter request! Hope you like it!**

**liv lokigirl: Thanks! Also, great idea! I'll use that for next, next chapter, since the next one will probably be my 100 review special! **

**ArtemisBAMF1218: I'm so glad you liked the story and the last chapter! I did see your review, so thanks for that! I like your idea but I'm not sure if I can do it, since I've done a lot of Deadpool chapters. Oh, and Traitor will be updated tomorrow! Thanks for reading!**

**IronFistRocks: Thanks! Cool ideas, I love breaking the fourth wall almost as much as Deadpool and Spidey. **

**AllieSnow: ** **Thanks!** **I like your idea but I'm not sure when I can do it because Loki was in the last chapter. **

**girl05: I love your idea and I really want to use it as soon as possible. And I'm so glad you like this story!**

**emcee: I'm glad you like it! Also, sweet idea! I think I'll blend that with girl05's idea. **

**Cheshire Kitty 101: Hmm...Assassin's League? Well you know what they say, I see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil! And I do like waffles too. But only with whipped cream. And I'm happy you liked the Doom Vs Fury showdown! **

**Kingdom Hearts: Haha! Thanks! Glad you liked it! Cool idea, I might experiment with that!**

* * *

**Chapter 27: Why He Never Talks**

About ten years ago, a ten year old kid named Abner Jenkins walked into a library. He would one day become the mysterious assassin known as The Beetle. But for now, he was just a regular, soft-spoken kid.

Anyway, the librarian in this library was rumored to be EXTREMELY mean. And if you made so much as one tiny little noise, she would eat you. Yeah. Seriously.

So here he was, tiptoeing through the shelves. He was looking for a book on beetles. Abner glanced at the librarians desk. Her head was tilted back, and she was snoring loudly. Abner sighed in relief, and continued padding through.

_LA LA LA LA! LA LA LA LA! ELMO'S WORLD! _

His phone started ringing. LOUDLY. He snatched it out of his pocket and answered it. The librarian snorted in her sleep, then settled back down.

"Hello?" He growled.

"Hi Abby!" His younger sister sang. He sighed mentally.

"I know you can say my name Julie!" He grunted.

"I don't know what you're talking about...Abby."

"What do you want?"

"I learned a new song at school! Want me to sing it?"

"No I'm at the libr-"

"Old McDonald had a farm! EE I EE I O! And on this farm there was a pig! EE I EE I O!" She started.

"JULIE SHUT UP!" Abner yelled. Then he froze. The librarian turned over in her desk chair and mumbled something.

"I'll call you back," Abner whispered to his sister, then he hung up. Abner ducked behind a bookcase labeled: insects. He started looking through the titles until he found the one called Beetles. There was only one problem. It was at the very top shelf.

Abner snuck a glance at the librarian before placing his weight on a low shelf. It held. He climbed a little bit higher. So far so good. Soon he was scrambling to the top. He grinned. His fingers pulled out the thin book. He hugged it to his chest in triumph.

Then he looked down.

"Whoa," He muttered. The ground was very far down. And if he fell, that carpet wasn't going to do much to help. Neither was that bench with very sharp-looking edges.

Abner clung to the bookcase for dear life. He leaned close to it. The bookcase wobbled. Then swayed.

"No NO!" He yelled as the whole thing toppled over. Books flew every which way. The massive piece of furniture collided with another case, which also fell. Abner watched, sprawled across a pile of books, as every shelf in the library succumbed to a domino effect.

CRASH!

BUMP!

BANG!

SCCCRRREEEECH!

It was an ocean of ripped pages and plywood. He moaned to himself, and waited to be eaten by a hungry librarian. Nothing. He dared to look up and...the librarian hadn't even stirred!

He rushed to his feet and did a double take. She was still sleeping! She really was! He pumped his fists into the air. Abner looked down and saw his book, still in perfect condition. He picked it up and flipped through the pages. It was perfect!

"Yes!" He whispered.

"NO NOISE IN THE LIBRARY!" An impossibly gruff voice resonated through the room. Abner face palmed.

* * *

**By the way, apparently, Abner Jenkins is actually the Beetle's real name! Thanks for all the reviews! Seriously the reviewer section added another 200 words to this chapter, which is amazing! You guys rock! So next chapter will be my special chapter, and I'll leave it to a vote!**

**You can vote for another Q&amp;A, and include your questions! I know some of you guys already did, so thanks for that!**

**You can vote for a readers meet characters thing.**

**Or you can vote other. Which means that I'll have to make something up on my own. **

**So please vote in your review! And anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	28. 100 REVIEWER SPECIAL!

**Thanks to the awesome people who gave me their questions: Cheshire Kitty 101, Nova'sGirl, Kindness to Everyone and thing, and ArtemisBAMF1218!**

**Reviewers:**

**Nova'sGirl: Sorry if that was unclear, but you'll find out why below. And yeah, I like Abner too! Thanks for the questions! And I have officially decided to write a short one-shot that will be Loki's fan fiction. So that'll be a real thing! Yay!**

**liv lokigirl: Thanks! I'm happy you liked it! Cool ideas, I may use a few of them! Oh and if you guys are going to do real Norse mythology, instead of the Marvel version, you should try the article: "8 things Marvel got wrong about Norse Mythology."**

**I'm a Jesus freak: Sorry about that, but I'm glad you liked it anyway!**

**IronFistRocks: I know right! I got the idea from the Monster's University movie! Sorry I couldn't do the readers meet characters! Hope you enjoy!**

**Guest: I thought so too, so thanks! And yup, according to the Marvel wiki that's his name. I was surprised when I saw it.**

**Felecia Wagner: Haha! Me too! Thanks! Keep reading and reviewing!**

**Kurt: I don't know what you mean, but since you reviewed on my earliest author's note, I'm guessing you mean am I working on taking it off the hold period. Yes. It's been off for a while. Sorry if that wasn't what you meant though!**

**Ameya: Yup! I love unicorns! And there is a book about a man-eating unicorn. I wouldn't recommend it, but it's called Bad Unicorn! As far as her parents...well...I'll leave that open-ended. But the answer is probably!**

**Cheshire Kitty 101: Thanks for the questions! And for spacing it out, it was much clearer. As far as you angry hound, I tried to give him regular bacon and he chewed up my computer mouse and also my lamp, so then I went to the store to get him Canadian bacon, and he was a lot more friendly! I have sent him on his way back to you in good health and with a full belly!**

**ArtemisBAMF1218: Well here it is! And thanks! It's taken a while, but I finally got here! Glad you liked the chapter, and I know right! Who would have thought it? I love doing annoying younger siblings! And I have noticed a pattern. I realized that most of my really annoying little kid characters are girls! I guess because I've been told that little girls are more annoying than little boys. And very bossy. And thanks for the complement on Who Knew.!****I actually am in the middle of a Deadpool one-shot that will be posted sometime this week, so yeah. But I will use your idea about Loki and Scorpion!**

* * *

**Chapter 28: Longest Chapter in the Story!**

Abner/Beetle:

**Do you have a fear of librarians?**

Um...no...of course not...WHY ARE YOU INTEROGATING ME!

**Also, why won't you talk?**

I talk all the time! I make as many jokes as Spiderman when I'm in costume! My mouth is a motor! Once I start talking, there's no stopping me! I just...you know...do it quietly...in case of librarians...

**Because you just see librarians walking around?**

They're everywhere man! EVERYWHERE!

**Right...**

I'm serious! Wait! Are you a librarian!? Or a spy for them!

**What would that even be? A spy-brarian? **

SO YOU ARE ONE! I have to go now...so long sucka!

**Uh...bye?**

Loki:

**Have you posted your FanFiction yet?**

Actually, I am going to post that amazing masterpiece either tomorrow, or the day after! And I'll have you know that I have about a million other fans queued up, just waiting to get my fanfiction!

**Is that right? What other fans?**

Well...I uh...I certainly can't just give you names...But I have a lot of them!

**Don't worry, this is a private atmosphere. Just you and I. No one else will know if you give me names. I promise. **

Ok. But only to grace you with the beautiful sound of my voice and presence!

**Your presence makes a sound?**

NO! Ahem, anyway...Laufey...is one of them.

**Your frost giant dad? He reads fanfictions?**

DUH! He loves them! Especially ones about Thor an Odin dying! So you know, hurt/comfort, without the comfort part!

**That's creepy...I'm gonna go interview someone else now. **

WHY DO YOU RUN AWAY EVERYTIME IT'S MY TURN TO ANSWER QUESTIONS!

Scorpion:

**WHY ARE YOU SO CUTE?!**

Yes! Someone thinks I'm cute for once! Take that Daniel! Erm...I mean...I thank you for the honor of being proclaimed attractive, but I am a warrior at heart and cannot stray off my humble path to enlightenment. Yeah. That's it.

**Are you sure? **

Indeed. In fact, I recently finished an expedition to another mystic universe. It was divided into four nations, fire, earth, water, and air. I became prince of the fire nation under my alias: Zuko.

**Oh, wasn't that televised?**

Yes...but only to document clues...not to glorify me. At all.

**You and Zuko don't really look alike...**

I did a spell!

**You can't do magic.**

Maybe I can! Or maybe the Sorcerer Supreme did the spell, but it was still me! On the inside! ON THE INSIDE!

**Right...you're lucky you're cute.**

You really think so?

Thor:

**Is your hair ever going to be cut?**

You mock me mortal! My hair flows like the silk of a thousand suns and marks my rank!

**Ok, but when are you gonna cut it?**

NEVER!

**Why not?**

Because I have been informed by the man of spiders that Mid-Guardian females enjoy long hair!

**So you want the chicks?**

No! The offspring of poultry do not entice me! I seek mortal females! And they seek hair length!

**Chicks is another word for human females. Used by guys. To annoy the girls.**

Then what do you call poultry babies?

**Chicks.**

I see. Then I seek the mortal chicks who seek my blondness, not the poultry!

**So you're copying Iron Fist?**

NO! I, son of Odin, do not copy anyone! He is merely my inspiration.

**Ok. That's cool and all. But not all girls like long blond hair.**

ENOUGH OF THIS MOCKERY! TO ASGUARD!

**Hey you can't just leave in the middle of an interview! THOR! Get back here! THOR!**

Captain America:

**why do you continue to serve America so Damn patriotic-ly?**

Because I am Captain _America._

**But why?**

To help citizens! Stop world hunger! And sell more glorifying comic books! Oh. Did I say that last part out loud?

**Yes. Yes you did. **

Heh heh. You're not going to tell anyone are you?

**Give me fifty percent of your comic profit. Then we'll talk.**

Ugh. Fine. I do have an image to uphold.

**Anyway...have you seen how it should have ended: Captain America?**

Yes.

**What do you have to say for yourself?**

I hate Batman and Superman. They're mean.

**No, they're funny. Especially Batman.**

Oh yeah, why is that?

**BECAUS HE'S BATMAN!**

Guardians of the Galaxy: 

**why the long superhero team name? Why not something Shorter, cuz it takes longer to say "Guardians of the Galaxy Attack!", then say maybe just "Guardian's Attack!" **

Do you know how many other groups have 'guardians' in the title? Rise of the Guardians! Guardians of Gahoole! The Guardian! We have to specify exactly what type of guardians we are! Otherwise people will think we're a bunch of seasonal ornaments!

**That's a good point. Groot, what do you think?**

I am Groot.

**Wow, you have such a way with words.**

I am Groot!

**Yes, yes. And what is the secret to solving world hunger?**

I am Groot! I am Groot!

**Now we know! Thank you! **

Sam:

**Will you date me? Please?**

Seriously! The only time I get to come on these chapters is when people ask me questions! And the only questions are 'will you date me!?'

**You just had a whole chapter a few updates ago!**

Yeah...but still!

**Will you though?**

Sure, why not.

Spiderman:

**will you date me? Please? I swear that I'm not a crazy fangirl for you. Or a villian trying to kill you. **

I don't know...A lot of crazy fangirls say they aren't crazy fangirls...

**PLEASE!**

Um...I don't know how that'll look in my next movie...People like me dating Gwen or MJ. Not random fanfiction authors...

**But it'll be really creative! The Amazing Spiderman 3: Kindness returns!**

But you won't be returning from anything.

**Yes but all the cool movie tiles have 'returns'.**

Are you sure you're not a crazy fangirl?

**NO! And Gwen is dead anyway!**

Hey! We don't talk about that!

**Will you date me!**

You already asked that.

**With great kindness comes great happiness!**

Ooh! I like that! Sure, I'll date you!

Danny:

** Danny, how did you get addicted to movies?**

I was meditating one day and Sam was bored. I was the nearest victim- I mean...friend. Anyway, he wanted to see a new movie called, The Doll House. I did not understand why he would watch a film about children's toys. Until we watched the movie.

**What happened?**

Sam ran out of the theater when the Dollhouse ate a little girl. I stayed and finished it. It was quite good actually.

**YOU'RE A PACIFIST! YOU CAN'T WATCH HORROR MOVIES!**

But it was not real. And the monks do not believe in 'sugarcoating' life. Sometimes horror movies are needed to give you reality checks.

**So now you like movies?**

Indeed. I meant to thank Sam after getting back from the theater, but he was busy hiding under his covers.

**Sam is brave!**

The dollhouse had miniature bunnies.

**Ah. I see.**

NEXT QUESTION:

**Do you have a secret stash of fortune cookies?**

No...my proverbs are strictly from the monks of Kun'Lun!

**Are you sure? **

Indeed...but do not look into my closet.

**Are there fortune cookies in there?**

Um...no...

**Lying is bad!**

To pry into one's life is to welcome deceit.

**Are those cookie crumbs on your mouth?**

I have to go to a Rand Co. meeting now...Namaste!

**Fortune cookie!**

Deadpool:

**Why do you have no morals? Also, how can I have no morals? I think we're in agreement that morals are stupid.**

Morals? HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's hilarious! MORALS! Well the first step to not having them is to cut them out of your vocab! DUH!

**Why don't you have any?**

Because morals is another word for a conscience. And I left my conscience in a public bathroom somewhere a long time ago!

**Okay...**

And then I ate some Bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

**What was that?**

That was shameless advertisement for mah NEW MOVIE!

**Oh yeah. I hear you're working with Ryan Reynolds?**

NOPE! He's working _for_ me! Not _with _me! He's the understudy!

**In case you get sick?**

No. In case I'm on a top secret mission, un-aliving people!

**Right. Makes sense.**

NEXT QUESTION:

**can we hang out some time you seem cool and fun. Also have you considered going from Red and Black to Midnight Purple and Blood red? **

We can hang out, if you're cool with giving me the secret identities of every super group in SHIELD! Then we can hang. Oh. And you have to know how to wing things.

**And the costume idea?**

PURPLE IS FOR GIRLS AND I DON'T WANT COOTIES! I'll leave that idea to some fanfiction writer who wants to give me an OC as a sister.

**Anything else you wanna say to the audience?**

EAT BRIGHT YELLOW MONKEY DUST LOSERS! WHOOOOOO!

**Ok then...**

NEXT QUESTION:

** Since Deadpool is life, Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moon light?**

Yup! His name is Dave. OH! STORY TIME! Ok so Dave was having an underworld party and only the coolest jerks got to go! AND HE INVITED ME! So I showed up about seventy minutes into the party because I'm fashionably late! And get this, everyone just left!

So I'm about to sleep Dave with the fishes when he introduces me to his grandma, Diva. And we just totally start sock hopping in the light of a blood moon, because that's the only type of moon they have down there!

**Oh. That's weird. **

Shhh...lay down your head! Listen to the calls of sirens and flamingoes! Reminiscence in the time of your childhood when you finally got the last word against that jerk you hate! Think about the putrid scent of fish sticks and amber grease!

**Ugh!**

And don't forget to watch my movie when it comes out! Otherwise I'll strap you to you to watch reruns of Dora over and over again!

**Brilliant.**

* * *

**Oh my goodness! You have no idea how long this took! Literally about six or seven hours! Thank you guys so much for reviewing! Whether you do it faithfully or sparsely! I couldn't have gotten to 100 reviews without you guys! So please keep reviewing and I hope you guys enjoyed! Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	29. Hashtag FABULOUS!

**Hey! I was feeling a bit random (As if that's a surprise) and this happened! Aunt May joins the fashion police! Yay! This is partially liv lokigirl's idea! **

**PLEASE READ:**

**Ok. So I don't know what went on with my computer, but I received like half of your interview questions almost two or three days after I posted the interview chapter! So if your questions weren't on there, I'm very sorry! Forgive me! Blame computer lag!**

**Reviewers:**

**liv lokigirl: Thanks for the questions and I used your idea about Aunt May! Kind of! Hope you enjoy my little twist on it!**

**IronFistRocks: Thanks for submitting them and sorry they weren't used! Hope you like the chapter though!**

**Anonymous: Again, sorry for not being able to use your questions! Keep reading and reviewing!**

**Batmanismyhero: Thanks for the questions. And welcome to the fandom! I never noticed that before, but you're right! That is pretty cool!**

**AllieSnow: I can't get the prompt to show up! The links aren't working for me. What's the URL?**

* * *

**Chapter 29: Who Ya Gonna Call**

Aunt May was packing her bag for her latest club. Peter and his friends were staying over for a while and she needed some space.

"Peter! I'm going out! Be good!" She yelled up the stairs. She heard his muffled goodbye. Aunt May shook her head, grinning, and walked out the door.

Her ear-piece rang suddenly.

"Hello?"

"Come in Maybird. Agent Maybird, come in!"

"What's up Commissioner," May asked, ducking behind some bushes.

"We have a code red on Sixth Street! Go go go!" The Commissioner yelled. Aunt May- or Agent Maybird- gasped. She ran into an alley and unpacked her bag. She put on a black leather jumpsuit over her everyday clothing. It had gold zippers of course. She slipped on a black cap and put on some Luke Cage-style sunglasses.

Lastly, Maybird took out her utility belt, complete with pepper-spray grenades and throwing sporks.

Now she was ready. The elderly agent took out a grappling hook and swung all the way to Sixth Street Spiderman-style! She got there and barrel rolled under an abandoned hot dog cart. Waiting. Watching.

There he was. Target acquired. A middle aged, overweight man with a horizontally striped green turtleneck, and polka dotted black and white skinny jeans. It was worse than she thought. Agent Maybird waited until he was close by, and sprung from the hot dog cart.

But before she could apprehend him, a giant dolphin with a laser pointer on its head jumped down from nowhere. It laughed an ugly dolphin screech.

"Agent Maybird! I will not let you take this man! He is my servant! I have world domination plans! Blah blah blah blah!" It sneered. Maybird took out her pepper spray and let it rip all over the dolphin's tiny eyes.

It screamed.

And burst into flames.

"Ahhh! I'm melting! I'm melting!" Then it died and the scent of fried fish wafted through the street. Maybird leapt onto her target and tackled him.

"Hey lady! Get off me!" He was struggling! The fashion choice was taking over his brain! The super trained agent totally tazed him. He jerked for a while, finally succumbing. Aunt May got to work, slipping a casual black sweater vest over his horrible turtle neck, and cutting off the neck part with surgeon precision. Now his top looked good.

Time for the bottom.

She took out a pair of dark jeans and tried to slide them onto him over his pants. They got stuck. Very stuck.

"Come on!" Maybird grunted and heaved. The jeans were lodged halfway up the man's leg. She huffed, and resorted to stepping on his fat face with her black stilettos. She pulled towards her. The pants gave a slight ripping sound, followed by a squeak, but finally crawled up the man's legs.

Agent Maybird sighed in relief as the man started waking up.

"NOOOOOO!" He yelled.

"What? You look much better now!" Agent Maybird reassured.

"I know! That's the problem! I was on my way to meet my girlfriend at Tacky Con!" He raged.

"Tacky Con?"

"Duh! The Tacky Clothes Convention? Have you never heard of it?"

"OH MY FASHION!" A red headed woman wearing bellbottoms and a puke-colored Christmas sweater ran over.

The man gasped. "Baby! No! It's not what it looks like!"

"Shut up Tom! You were embarrassed to go with me! Look at you! Ugh! We are over! Don't talk to me!" She yelled. Then she sprinted away with her purple and green mascara running down her cheeks. Maybird stared.

"Uh..." She trailed off helpfully.

The man-or Tom-looked at her with tears in his eyes.

"You did this! YOU! This is...UNACCEPTABLE! SELF DESTRUCT!" He screamed.

"No no! It's ok! I'm sorry!" Maybird said. He then exploded into a puddle of anger. Maybird sighed and pulled out her communicator.

"This is Agent Maybird. Come in Commissioner."

"Agent Maybird. Has the target been fashion-ized?"

"Um...yes. Come get him. I'm going home."

"Sure Agent. You earned it!"

"Right..." Maybird said convincingly. Then she went to an alley, changed back into her civies and walked home just in time to make dinner.

"Peter! I'm home!"

"Hey Aunt May!"

"I'm doing the laundry soon, want me to wash your costumes?" Aunt May realized her mistake.

"WHAT?!"

"Um...Clothes. I asked if you wanted me to wash your clothes!"

"Yeah...sure...I thought you said something else..." Peter called back. Aunt May smiled as Sam came down the stairs.

"Hey May! Where've you been?" He asked. May grinned slyly.

"Oh nowhere...just doing some fashion stuff."

"Like shopping?"

"Sure. _Just_ like shopping."

* * *

**So...yeah. Lot's of references to things in this chapter! _Lot's_ of references. Hope you guys enjoyed! Oh! Don't forget to check out my newest One-Shot, Once Upon A Loki! If you love Loki, you'll love that story! It is the true story of Asguard! Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	30. In which I offend Iconic Superheroes

**Okay so all the rights to this _idea_ go to the How It Should Have Ended people. If you don't watch it, go do that right now, and then come back to this chapter. This will still make sense if you don't watch it, but you should just because it's awesome. This chapter is mostly based on HISHE: Dark Knight Rises. Also, the teenager in the chapter may or may not have been Danny. And I'm going to offer no explanation for his actions whatsoever because I want to leave it up to your imaginations.**

**Reviewers: **

**AllieSnow: Thanks. It worked this time, but I'm not sure if I want to do it or not. Here is the next chapter and I hope you enjoy!**

**liv lokigirl: Thanks! And I know right! As for the twist, I did actually Google it, and as much as I wish it was, tacky con is not a real thing. I'm not sure on Lady Loki, so we'll see. And hopefully, I'll be able to beat last chapter! Enjoy!**

**IronFistRocks: Haha! Yeah, very true. But in my defense, I warned everyone! **

* * *

**Chapter 30: Super Hero Elevator**

Superman and Batman are in an elevator. Chirpy music is playing in the background when the doors suddenly open.

Batroc the Leaper steps onto the elevator. Batman and Superman share a glance.

"Should we do something about him?" Superman asks.

"Nah, he's just an F-list villain. Probably off to kick a puppy or something," Batman says.

"Is F-list a thing?"

"I don't know man, but it should be."

"So...we could totally team up on this guy right now...he's just standing there," Superman says casually.

"But I won't."

"Why?"

"Because my moves are the punishment this guy deserves, but not the one he needs," Batman nods. "You know why?"

"Ugh...because you're-"

"BECAUSE I'M BATMAN!"

"I'm right here!" Batroc interrupts.

"Yeah he's right here! Let's take him to jail or something!" Superman pleads.

"You're goodness is taking over again. We're not doing anything until he commits a crime."

"Fine! But they could have made a movie about this!"

"Who's they?"

"The public!"

The elevator doors open and Batroc leaps out, shaking his head in resentment. Electro gets into the shaft.

"Hey," He says nervously.

"Hey man," Superman greets him.

"I'm Batman."

"Yeah...Spiderman knows my name!" Electro shouts gleefully.

"So? Isn't he like, your greatest enemy now?" Batman shatters his bubble.

"Um...well yes, but he still knew my name! That's huge! I bet he doesn't know any other villain's name!"

"You're probably right...except for Norman," Batman says.

"And Otto," Superman lists.

"And Dr. Connors."

"And Adrian."

"Other than those, you're right," Batman finishes. Electro crosses his arms.

"Oh yeah, well at least I have powers."

Superman starts cackling.

"OOOH! Electro burn!"

"Hey! My utility belt is better than all of you villains combined! And I'm rich. And also Batman."

"Is that all you say?"

"No...my vocabulary is awesome..." Batman states, "You know why...?"

"Because you're-"

"BECAUSE I'M SMARTER THAN YOU!" Batman yells. Electro blinks.

"Ok...ratman..."

"HEY!"

"AHAHAHAHA!" Superman laughs.

The elevator doors open and Electro skips out, allowing a teenager wearing blue tights, red legwarmers, dark blue bike shorts and a green t-shirt to board. He unrolls a yoga mat on the floor and starts stretching. He has long blonde hair and green eyes.

"Uh...what are you doing kid?" Superman asks him.

The kid doesn't answer and does the splits on the mat.

"Whoa, okay. That's super weird," Batman winces as the teen sits down and pulls his legs over his head. An audible cracking sound is heard. Batman and Superman step away from the teen, giving him room. The teen has a completely neutral expression.

He does some shadow boxing, then starts pumping his arms back and forwards while shaking his rear. Batman and Superman realize he is dancing.

"Um...should we call someone?" Superman whispers.

"Probably. Or we could do this," Batman pulls out his batphone and starts filming. Superman does the same with his IPhone. The teen's lips start to grimace, but he pulls himself together.

"Heh, heh heh heh," Batman laughs.

The teenager is now doing the 'worm' on the ground.

"Let's agree to never ride this elevator again," Superman chuckles nervously.

"Yeah."

ONE DAY LATER...

Batman is on the elevator with the same teenager and both of them are doing the 'Nae Nae' on yoga mats.

The doors open and Superman is standing there, coffee cup in hand.

"What are you doing?"

Batman turns around in panic, throws a baterang at the teen, knocking him unconscious, turns into his Dark Knight form and swooshes his cape.

"You'll never get me! ARGAH FARGLE GURGLE RARHRE!" He yells in his impossible to understand voice, and dramatically exits. Superman blinks, then slowly lowers the coffee mug.

* * *

**Like I said above, I'll let you guys decide what was up with Danny. *Sadly shakes head* Oh, sorry for the break period, but I was busy and I honestly just didn't feel like writing this. Yeah I know, worst excuses. But it's here now and I hope you guys enjoyed! But anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	31. This Explains a Lot About Harry

**Sorry for the really short chapter, but my internet has been derping out all day! I hope you enjoy anyway. Also, anyone who has watched the movie: Major Payne, will have a bit more insight to this chapter. **

**Reviewers:**

**Nova'sGirl: Yeah, I was thinking dare. But, like you said, we may never know. Maybe it's a monk thing...Anyway, I love it too! Especially the superhero cafés, and I totally imagine Batman doing something as random as dancing in an elevator. Oh, and to answer your question...BECAUSE HE'S BATMAN!**

**IronFistRocks: That was the whole theme, I said it in the author's note. Thanks for reviewing though and I really hope you enjoy!**

**Batmanismyhero: I know right. And yes I do watch it, I said in my author's note that it was my own 'superhero café' from HISHE. **

**AllieSnow: Ooh! I like your first idea a lot. I think I might do that next chapter! Thanks a lot for reviewing and enjoy!**

**BVB Fan: Yes. Oh my gosh yes. Thanks for your idea and I will definitely be using it. **

* * *

**Chapter 31: Why Norman Should Not Be A Writer**

It is late, Norman Osborn is checking to make sure everything is off before he goes to sleep. His small son, Harry, is in bed. It is Christmas Eve. Norman is about to walk to his room when he hears Harry scream. He runs to his son, who is sitting up in bed, crying.

"What's wrong Harry?"

"I-I had a bad dream," He sniffles. Norman rubs his back and tucks him back in.

"Would you like to hear a story?"

"Yes dad," Harry smiles softly. Norman grins and sits on the foot of the bed.

"Once upon a time was a little engine. And he was employed to deliver supplies to a nearby town. The town was on the other side of huge mountain. But the little engine decided that he would try anyway. So he put on a smile and started his journey.

The engine huffed and puffed, but the mountain was very steep. So the little engine detoured to a gas station and tried bribing some other sucker to do his work. But everyone else actually had a brain and knew that they couldn't do it. The engine was sad.

So he went back to the mountain and tried again. "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can," He thought. But he still got nowhere. The engine decided to build a slingshot to throw the supplies to the other town. So he wasted all of his money on builders and wood, but the slingshot wasn't powerful enough. The engine cursed.

Finally, the engine had an existential crisis and realized that he was just a story character with no real purpose. So he prayed to a fairy godmother because that stuff happens in stories. And she actually came! So the engine stuffed her in a sack and quit his job, traveling the world as a circus ringmaster and showing off his rare 'fairy godmother' to make money. The end!"

Harry's mouth hung open in horror. Norman frowned.

"What?"

"WHAT THE HECK DAD!? THAT WAS HORRIBLE!"

"No, it was realistic."

Harry's eyes widened.

"I'M FREAKING EIGHT YEARS OLD!"

"What's your point?"

"I'm so done. Get out. And keep your _stories _to yourself!" Harry yells. Norman shrugs and walks out of the room. Harry shakes his head.

* * *

Years later:

Harry is in high school and has just finished retelling his dad's story to Peter, MJ, and the new kids. His friends are backing away slightly.

"What? I remember my dad telling me that story all the time, and I loved it!"

Danny puts a hand on his shoulder.

"Traditions strike and befall others differently, but yours stretches the bounds of no judgment."

Harry stares at Danny with half lidded eyes.

"Um...what did he say?" He addressed everyone else. Luke looked at him as if it was obvious.

"Your messed up," He deadpanned, "That's what it means."

* * *

**Sorry again for the pathetic length! Also, this awesome idea was inspired by girl05! Anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	32. The Secret Life of Fangirls

**So this is a blend of AllieSnow's idea, and BVB Fan's idea! I hope you guys enjoy! And please leave a review!**

**Reviewers:**

**Nova'sGirl: I'm super happy you liked it so much! I was only occasionally told bedtime stories, but unfortunately, they were never like that one. It was inspired by the Major Payne movie, in a scene where a war veteran is enlisted to tell a bedtime story and makes it into a graphic war story, to the horror of a little boy. If Norman ever becomes a writer, he should probably stick to YA fiction at least! And yes, I adore Danisnotonfire! He is so awesome! I like him even more though when he does videos with AmazingPhil. **

**IronFistRocks: Yup, totally! XD, Norman is the biggest fail, but I like him. And it's fine, I'm glad you were able to tell it was based on HISHE without reading the author's note. Thanks for reviewing!**

**liv lokigirl: Hmm...maybe, but I would first have to watch Jurassic World. I've been wanting to, but I just haven't been able to do so yet. And yeah, he definitely needs help! XD**

* * *

**Chapter 32: Rise of the Fangirls!**

Thor was walking around Midguard, having just finished a meeting with the "Son of Coul". He was about to open a portal back to Asguard when a bright flash of light made him stumble back. When it cleared, he saw a large black cat with bright green eyes. Thor would have shooed the tiger-sized cat away, but it had a dark green cape and a golden horned helmet.

"Loki?" Thor asked cautiously. The cat made a face.

"Obviously," It said in a bored manner.

"Why are you a furry animal my brother?" Thor asked.

"Is that really important?"

"Um...yeah kinda," Thor said.

"Ugh! You and your details! I was in a casino with Rocket Raccoon, and-"

"WHY WERE YOU AND ROCKET IN A CASINO?!"

"Did you really just ask me that?"

"YES!"

"We were gambling. Duh."

"Yeah but why was Rocket there?"

"You know how he loves gambling. And I like going there to 'tip the odds.' There is no better joy than watching someone who was about to win, lose! But anyway we were both there, at the same time, and we started talking, and now I'm spending the day as a cat."

Thor stared at his brother.

"You speak nonsense."

"I lost a bet. But that's not why I'm here, I have a message," Loki said. Thor raised an eyebrow.

"What message?"

"An army has gathered to take us both down. But mostly me," Loki told him. Thor gasped.

"We must alert Asguard!"

"Too late," Loki shook his furry head, "They have taken over our home."

Thor widened his eyes in disbelief. He pulled out his hammer and let out a battle cry.

"No! We must not give up! Onward Lokitty! To Asguard!" Thor swung the hammer and scooped up Loki, who was looking at him with a murderous look. Basically a cat's normal face.

"You did not just call me Lokitty," He snarled as they flashed into Asguard. The brothers did not even have time to blink before they were knocked unconscious by gigantic metal clubs.

When they woke up a few hours later, they were in an iron cage. They seemed to be in a cave with pink rocks and a deep blue pool. All around them were human girls from ten to seventeen. Half of them wore armor that was strikingly similar to Thor's, and carried cardboard hammers.

The other half wore Loki themed armor, green capes, and horned helmets. They seemed to be chanting in a hushed whispers. Like a cult.

"What is this place? What are those girls doing?" Thor asked Loki. Loki looked at him with pity.

"They call themselves..._fangirls_...and we are in their lair," He stated. Thor sighed.

"What will they do to us?"

"Well...the books say that they will write stories about us. Usually with us heroically comforting the other when he is sick, or perhaps falling in a tragic love with one of their own characters, but we just don't realize it yet. Something like that," Loki said.

"That is foul!" Thor cried out.

"Marry us! Loki! We love you!" A few girls were yelling up to their cage.

"Thor! You rule! We adore you! FOR ASGUARD!" A couple other girls joined in on the screaming.

"FOR ASGUARD!" Thor shouted back. Loki just looked at him.

"What?"

"Really?" Loki scoffed. Meanwhile a few girls had fainted with joy. A tapping sound called the attention of the fangirls. Calling them to order. An older girl, maybe about 20, stood on an alter. Half her hair was slicked back, and dyed black. The other half was blond and unruly.

She held a staff in one hand, and a hammer in the other. Even her armor and cape was divided.

"Fellow fans of the Norse brothers. We have finally captured our prizes!" She said. The girls cheered. "Now, it is only natural that we ready the arena for them to fight to the death! Fans of Loki, to the left. Fans of Thor, to the right. Neutrals, in the center. Go! Go! GO!"

The girls quickly brought out a few coils of bungee rope and stakes, marking the perimeter of the 'arena'. Then they took their places. The cage was lowered and Loki and Thor looked at each other.

"Um..." Loki said.

"Brother, what are their weaknesses?" Thor asked. Loki thought for a moment. A smirk played on his kitty lips. He leaned over and whispered into Thor's ear. The blond prince smiled.

Finally the cage opened and Thor and Loki tumbled out.

"Get 'em Thor!"

"Rip him to pieces Loki!"

The girls yelled.

Loki purred.

"But I do not know how to fight him. He is so much stronger than me and I can't think of anything. I know! Maybe if I fight him physically! That'll work!" He announced. The girls on his side gasped.

"But Loki! You can't fight him physically! You need to use your brain and think of a way out!" They cried. Loki cocked his head.

"Hmm...But if I don't use fighting skills, my good father Odin will be terribly disappointed," He said dramatically. A few girls fainted. The rest of them stood frozen. One of them whispered.

"He's...out of character..."

Now it was Thor's turn. He thought for a minute.

"Oh! How will I ever defeat Loki! He's so superior! Nobody loves me! Everyone hates me so much! Even my own father! But does anyone care? No! All I have is my brain!" He sighed. Half of the Thor fans grinded their teeth.

"Stop it! Stop being so OOC!" They yelled. Thor frowned and sighed and slouched.

"I hate everyone because everyone hates me! I am the victim!" He told them in his best Loki impression.

"NO!" The girls on both sides of the room were muttering now, frozen.

"OOC! OOC! OOC!"

"Quickly brother! Your hammer!" Loki pounced on top of Thor and they teleported back to earth just in time. They stood on top of a building, panting.

"That was...I can't even describe it!" Thor said. Loki nodded.

"So, now what? We must stop them somehow," Thor mused. Loki grinned mischievously.

"Actually...I was thinking of heading over to the casino. Care to play me in a round of poker?" He asked. Thor scratched his chin, considering.

"Fine," He sighed good naturedly, "Why not?"

* * *

**I would like to think that somewhere, there is some sort of fangirl cult. Not just for Loki and Thor, but for everything. Oh! And I've been running low on fresh villains to mess with, so if you guys know of some obscure villains that I haven't done yet, please tell me! Hope you guys enjoyed and anyway...**

**Wolf out...**


	33. All of Deadpool's Real Canon Secrets!

**Hi guys. I am incredibly sorry for taking a million years to update this! I was and am very busy so I just couldn't find the time. This is admittedly an old story I had written a while ago that I never posted. I dusted it off and here it is. It's based on the leaked Deadpool trailer. **

**_IMPORTANT! READ!_ \- Due to school and everything else, all of my stories are going on hold. This is the last original update for a while. I will try to still write your ideas though, but maybe not as much as I'd like to. _Traitor_ will be updated one last time on Sunday. And _As You Wish_ will be updated sometime tomorrow or Saturday. Thanks for being patient with me! **

**Reviewers:**

**_Nova'sGirl:_ Very, very true. And thanks a million for the list, that definitely helped a lot! **

**_liv lokigirl:_ Thanks! I'm super happy you liked it! The Thanos thing is very true and I like it. Whenever I update next, I think I'll do that. And yes, I have seen the trailer, very creepy. I love it! Oh and yeah, mischief all the way! XD**

**_IronFistRocks_: Haha! I would be on it either way, I think. **

**_Guest:_ Oh wow, that is amazing! I love when things happen IRL that I've had dreams about! **

**_shrekislife_: Thanks! Cool idea, I may give it a try.**

**_Superior Goblin_: Yeah, only once, but I've done the Goblin a couple times. Some of those are with him being Goblin, and some are Norman. I have done Doc Ock a few times, he's one of my favorite villains after Loki. I have not done Mysterio, but I don't know how much I can get out of him since he's such an underdeveloped, small villain. I might do Doc Connors, maybe. Thanks for all the awesome feedback on my other chapters, and thanks for letting me know the spelling error. Writer's Block is when you just can't think of any ideas and everything you write just comes out terrible! I like Vulture, but I did do an entire fan fic about him a long time ago. It's called A Tale of Two Hunts. My guess on your story is that Spidey puts a load of webbing on Goblin's back and as he goes about his day, the webs pick up more and more random street trash. I would love to know what you wrote. Sorry, but is Ultimate Goblin you as well?**

* * *

**Chapter 33: Leaked!**

Deadpool was sitting the roof of a building. He was singing along to a portable radio and coloring with a set of crayons.

"And I ate some bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!" He sang.

**Oh! Hello there! I bet you're wondering why the red suit? That's so bad guys don't see me bleed. And so the producers of my movie could throw in a consecutive poop joke!**

He saw a car driving below. And even though the car was some hundreds of feet below, and he had a topside view, he somehow knew that it was full of baddies. How? Because he's Deadpool. And you just don't ask questions about logic when he's around.

**Ooh! Let's hope these guys are wearing their brown pants! See...what did I tell you!**

Deadpool jumped off the building and pencil dived down into the top of the car. He landed in the middle of the car and casually spread himself out. He introduced himself in Spanish because maybe these bad guys didn't happen to speak any other language. In fact, that's probably why they were robbing people instead of just asking for stuff. Because no one else in New York spoke Spanish. Yeah. That was it.

Deadpool finished his well spoken phrase and widened his eyes.

"There's no easy way to say this...I'm pregnant Trevor!" He yelled before engaging in combat. He threw one of the guys out of the car. He and the driver fought for a while, mostly with the driver pounding Deadpool's head in with his elbow.

"Ow! OW! Ouch!" He yelped. Then he managed to flip over the entire truck by pushing the steering wheel a little bit. Like I said, Deadpool doesn't _do_ logic. Then the truck flipped in slow motion because the universe felt the need to stop gravity in order to capture this moment. A guy on his motorcycle realized that the floating truck was unaffected by gravity, so he did the natural thing.

He took out a machine gun and started shooting it. The windows rolled down and he saw a teen with a red mask pointing at a picture of the teen decapitating him. Because Deadpool not only has super X-ray powers, he's also psychic.

The guy continued shooting because he figured that maybe he'll be able to shoot the truck into smithereens and be able to do a matrix move that he can post on YouTube. Deadpool drew his swords and un-alived the heck out of this guy.

The universe remembered to reactivate gravity and the truck fell to the ground. The window rolled down again! And motor-dude's helmet peeked out.

"Crime's the disease! Meet the cure!" Deadpool announced, holding the head. Deadpool is very obviously a medic, coming to a hospital near you.

**Yeah, I totally am. I have lots of ideas about how to do medicine more efficiently. Like instead of amputating limbs, just wait 'till they regenerate. Oh wait. Only I'm that awesome!**

So from this, we can conclude that Deadpool is secretly some omnipotent being that can bend the universe to his will, (Face it, Deadpool is the new Doctor) which means that the real backstory and identity of Deadpool is-

**I interrupt this program to give you the following message. Anyone who ever tries to do a case study on me and reveal secrets again will be formally un-alived. Or maybe not formally. My tux is still at the cleaners. Thank you and have a nice day! HASTA LA VISTA SUCKAHS!**

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed!**

**Wolf out...**


	34. I Just Wanted a Taco!

**HELLO! Oh it feels good to be back! Have you missed me? So, this will be back on, but instead of every Saturday, it will be every ****_other _Saturday! And today I felt very fanfiction-y so I have updated everything! Please review! **

**Reviewers:**

**Chaos Supernova: Yep, Deadpool is indeed the 14th Doctor. But he won't admit to it. XD. I am so sorry for the million year wait! But I hope you still like the story! And the same goes for As You Wish. Enjoy!**

**CuteNinja25: I know it wasn't my best, but thanks for reading and reviewing! I hope this chapter can make up for it!**

** IronFistRocks: I know right! That's pretty much why like, 25 percent of these chapters are about him!**

**liv lokigirl: Thanks! I have seen the real trailer and I'm super excited for the movie! Sorry for not updating but I'll be back on schedule now! Every other Saturday!**

**CHBNewRomeHogwartsBerk: Thanks so much! Deadpool has officially added "Amazingest" to the dictionary and un-alived the heck out of autocorrect! I hope you like this chapter and I love your username too!**

**Superior Goblin: I know it took a million years, but I'm finally going to update again! Yay! It makes my day that your a fan, and I've included Lizard in this chapter! The dance off thing sounds cool, but I have quite a few requests backed up, so it may or may not happen. And yes, I do have an extreme crush on Danny, but I've been getting obsessed over Newt from the Maze Runner too, so Danny has some competition. **

* * *

**Chapter 34: Toddlers and Tiara's Villain Style**

"Hello and welcome to this year's annual Villain Pageant!" The announcer blares.

"This year's contestants are, the Lizard, Pile Driver, and Sandman!"

The crowd cheers. Behind the frilly curtains, the contestants wait with their coaches.

"Okay, Lizzie Lizardkins, you're gonna go out there and show these ugly villains who's the top princess! You're gonna go out there and _shake what your mamma gave ya_!" The Lizard's Pageant coach, Crystal, fussed over him, dabbing lipstick and mascara onto his scales.

"You said if I came out here you'd buy me a taco!" Pile Driver whined to his coach in the neighboring chair.

"Uh-uh child, oh no you didn't just say that! Tacos make you fat sweetheart," A very large lady said while eating a foot long sub from Subway. Extra _everything_. Her name was Ebony.

And Sandman was complaining about his costume.

"JUST PICK ONE ALREADY!" His coach was screaming. Her name was Lana.

"Hmm...I'm not sure which one matches my eyes better...pink or green?"

"You cannot like all the colors in the rainbow, only one! That's what my mom always told me, and I'm tellin' ya now! So pick a dress or I'll pick it for you!"

"How's it going over there Lana boo?" Ebony mocked.

"Shut your sandwich hole! Everything is going fine! And when I finish with Sandy, he will be crowned _sexiest _villain of all time!" Lana shrieked. Ebony snorted.

"Girl please, the only chance my Pile Driver would have of losing, is if he fell over dead on the runway. And even then he might still win!"

"_Excuse me_ ladies, but my Lizzie is gonna murder your men in this thing! He's gonna win in his beautiful pink dress!" Crystal sang.

"Sorry Barbie, but pink don't solve everything!" Ebony sneered.

"Neither does being shaped like a whale!" Lana snickered.

"Um, _pink_ is not just a color okay, _pink is a way of life_!" Crystal snapped.

"And being a whale is better than being a fake snob! Girl your more full of _plastic _than the Atlantic!"

Now, the three villains in question looked at each other nervously.

Pile Driver scratched at his makeup. And Sandman groaned. Lizard rolled his eyes.

"You guys, uh, wanna go get a taco or something?" Pile Driver whispered. They all glanced at their respective coaches.

Ebony's face was red and she dropped her sandwich. "Hold my earrings!"

Lana was cursing and spitting. "If your pig of a villain wins then this pageant is rigged!"

And Crystal was scoffing. "Girls, if _Jesus_ himself was out there judging, you still wouldn't win!"

"You know what, a taco is perfect," Sandman nodded quickly. The Lizard nodded too and the three villains quickly tip-toed their way out of the pageant's backstage.

* * *

**I just want to thank all of my glorious reviewers for being patient with me and if any of you guys are still sticking with me, than thank you! Anyway...**

**Wolf Out... **


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